Do you sometimes wonder how you can “start over” in your social life, and build or join a great circle of friends? Do you want to do something about it?
Have you ever moved to a new city where you had zero friends and had to do something about it?
How does everyone manage to have a nice group of friends they go out with, while you could be struggling to find even one interesting person to be friends with?
In this article, I explain why following typical friendship advice can lead you to nothing but more loneliness, and what to do instead.
Why “Making Friends With Lots of People, of All Kinds” Prevents You From Having a Circle of Friends
Let me explain.
Many people think that if they associate with dozens or hundreds of people, from all walks of life, they’ll get a rich social life. They think that they’ll end up surrounded by friends.
Here is why it doesn’t work.
First, concentrating on too many people at once is hard and takes a lot of time.
Second, making friends with people who don’t get along with each other is a bad idea. It will KEEP YOU from hanging out with more than one person at once. Going out one-on-one only for a long time will eventually become monotonous.
And finally, having friends that don’t know each other is almost like having none at all. If they don’t know you in the context of a group of friends, they won’t think of you when it’s time to go out and have fun at a party. People usually attend parties along with a group. They won’t be able to associate you in terms of that.
You become just another contact, an acquaintance, rather than a friend they can meet and have a good time with.
The Most Important Factor in Building a Social Circle
Having friends that don’t know each other is almost like having none at all. If they don’t know you in the context of a group of friends, they won’t think of you when it’s time to go out and have fun at a party.
What I’m about to share with you will make people stay in your life when you meet them. That way, you’ll never have to be alone again.
The most important thing you can ever do for your social life is this: introduce people to each other to create a group.
If you introduce two people to each other and they get along, BAM! You become a GROUP OF THREE!
Each one will think of YOU whenever they want to go out. Because they know that the fun is almost guaranteed because you’re a group now. And groups are almost always more fun than duos.
If you want to take it to the next level and make them stick even more, add a fourth person. You can also add members of the opposite sex. You can add a couple too! The possibilities are endless in terms of creating a group.
Making Sure Everyone In The Group Gets Along
Make sure everyone you introduce to each other has something in common. Or just make sure that they’ll all get along. These are the things you can take note of before you add people to the social circle you’re building:
- They can talk about the same topics
- Their level of fun is similar
- Their interests are similar or closely related
- They have a common ground (interests, hometown, career, hobbies, etc)
- Most importantly, you like all of them as people
Doing this makes everyone STICK to the group because they can relate to one another.
Even better, if they get along, you DON’T HAVE TO WORK AT IT ANYMORE. Your work is basically done. They’ll start to call you, make plans, and just assume that everyone should come and hang out.
Even BETTER, they’ll bring more people to the group! Who wouldn’t wanna join an exciting new group of friends?
This is how you make sure that it will work, for everyone and you. Once you create a group where everybody can get along with each other, you know that the group is destined for fun things. It will carry on for a long time.
Build a Social Circle Around a Duo
With this technique, you’ll be able to build a social circle around your friendship with one other person.
Let’s begin with this: You have a friend. Your friendship is somewhat solid. You both have the same social goals (want to go somewhat the same places, meet the same types of people, and have fun in somewhat the same times of the week/ month)
Both of you then talk about “what you should do” in general, in the future. You start talking about plans, night outs, and the sorts of people to invite.
This results in a certain type of solidarity and mutual support between you two. Each of you might bring others to gatherings so the social circle starts to form. Some people will stick around, some will not.
Despite some people leaving, you have an unspoken understanding with your friend, You’ll stay tight and loyal, no matter who joins you and enters your social circle. In a way, you hold each other in high regard, especially in front of others. This solidarity is often necessary and reassures each one of you that you’re not building a social circle in which they will be ignored. Even if your circle will grow, you both will still have a tight bond.
This is a great way to create a social circle; you create it around a “duo”. Start building it along with a friend.
You get a particularly good advantage here: you’re not doing it alone.
NOTE: this is something you can do with your significant other, instead of a friend. If both of you want to build a social circle, and willing to do some work, then you can both work on it.
Build A Social Circle Inside A Larger Community
Going to a local community, interest group, hobby group, or a club of some sort.
Once you find one, start making conversations, getting to know the members, exchanging contact information, etc.
You want to go a few times so you start to recognize who the regulars are, and start to get to know people a little better. Then, start to selectively look for those with whom you have many things in common with. Look for people with the same outlook on life, general attitude, hobbies, social habits, and sense of humor as you.
These are the people you can see yourself hanging out with, having a great time, and can predict that you all can create a positive vibe and have a good influence on each other.
After that, you can start to gather the people up. Introduce them to each other if they’re not friends already, talk about what they might have in common, and generally create a vibe where all of you can be relaxed and loosen up around each other. (it’s like you’re signaling to all of them that this is a safe space and we can all just chat.)
You can then start to create plans involving just these people. You do this either inside that larger community still, or outside and make plans that don’t involve the rest of the community. This is up to you, but it also depends on the logistics and the availability of everyone.
Play an active role in ensuring that everyone in your group gets along well. Make sure everyone is comfortable with one another and everyone can talk to anyone.
Remember to add them (once they start to get along well) to a group chat/group messaging discussion so it becomes easy to communicate and make plans.
This is an effective technique to build a social circle, and most of my readers have learned to use it and get results through it. It’s particularly great if you’re new to a city or you want to start from scratch and build an entirely new social circle.
Build a Circle Through Dating
This might sound unconventional, but it’s something that happens quite often and it is an option. If you’re in the dating scene and you meet someone you like, maybe both of you only have a couple of friends you hang out with.
You could make plans and invite those friends. Even if each of you has just a couple, it can quickly add up to a six or seven people social circle.
You will be crossing your fingers that they get along. This is never guaranteed but you can definitely help them by setting the right vibe, talking about a few subjects to set the tone of the interactions, and mentioning things they might have in common.
For example, you might want to have a social circle of people who discuss intellectual subjects. Good! Don’t wait for that to happen on its own. Take the lead and bring those subjects to the table a few times. By doing that, you’re leading the group in the right direction.
I’ve seen many social circles form up this way, through dating. Including from my own life.
The survival of the social circle will obviously (with some exceptions) depend on the survival of the relationship. But this is not reason enough not to try it. You never know who you’ll end up meeting. Even if the group breaks away, you may still end up making friends with some amazing people, you’ll keep around for a long time.
Practice to Perfection
Creating a social circle is like creating a recipe: It requires practice and application to perfect.
Of course, the best place to start is to learn from my mistakes and frustrations.
It took me years of trial and error to really know how to make new friends and go on to build a social circle. There is a ton of subtle elements to keep in mind to create a fun social circle.
Every time I found something that DID work, I took the idea, refined it, and wrote it down. Then, I worked on it some more.
I collected and organized what I learned into my eBook, “Get The Friends You Want”.
It contains literally HUNDREDS of great ideas for improving your social life and making friends and it’s a great place to start learning to build a social circle of friends. You never have to be alone ever again, if you know what works.
Go check out the details here: Get The Friends You Want – Risk Free Trial