Hi, it’s Paul Sanders here.
I wanna answer one question you’re probably asking : “Who is Paul Sanders?”
Well, I’m a regular dude. For most of my youth, I had no friends that are cool or interesting. I had no one to go out with and felt like a stranger in my own city.
I was pretty desperate. I was sick of the boring lonely life I was leading. One day, I was chatting with an internet friend that lived in a nearby city, and I said “If I can learn pretty much anything over the internet, why can’t I learn how to make friends?? I don’t care what happens, I’m willing to try anything and figure it out”.
Honestly, I thought it was going to be easy to learn. I spent a few years, reading books, listening to audio books, watching videos and attending seminars. All I seemed to find was close to the topic but… NOT EXACTLY.
I didn’t want to learn how to make business-friends, didn’t wanna be super soft and polite, I didn’t want to make friends with my grandma, I wanted Cool Friends in the Young and Dirty Fast-Paced World we live in.
But, even if the ideas I found were outdated and too general to apply, I tried them anyway.
The turning point came to me when I started studying some smart expats who knew how to quickly establish a social life.
These guys had no choice, they HAD to make a LOT of connections.
At first, I never understood what these guys were doing. It was seemingly too simple and didn’t make any sens why they would end up with that many friends.
And the worst part? They didn’t seem to work at it at all! They led busy lives and had almost no time to spend on their social lives. And nothing was that special or interesting about them either.
“WHY THEM?”, I was thinking.
You would see them sending small text messages from time to time, but people rearrange their plans just to hang out with them. Or a guy would almost beg them to come to his party, even if they just came to town and had basically “nothing to offer”.
The more I saw weird things like this happen before my eyes, the more I started doubting everything I know about friendship.
A few months went by, I started making friends ever more easily by modeling these “expats”, I started writing everything in my journal. I them, refined and watched for success factors and put it all in a system to make it work for myself consistently.
I then went on to having people inviting me all the time to their parties. I got frequently invited to take trips and land in some friend’s friend’s house and pay no hotel room. Things got easier for me and I had more opportunities to have fun that I could have time for.
Through friends, I also met some amazing girls that I never DREAMED could ever talk to me. These seemed to only date guys who had lots of friends and opportunities for fun.
Things got a little too easy to be true!
Then the real test came when I had to move to a new state in order to get promoted. I had to build a social life from scratch. And I didn’t even have time for anything and you would know why if you ever moved to a new city.
Well, I got myself all the friends I could want and started getting invited all the time… four months after I moved. I was very happy that I learned one of the most important skills an adult can learn.
Let’s face it, if you think that new friends will make you happy and you’ll solve all your problems that way… I think you gonna be disappointed.
But, I can say that if you do learn how to make friends, things are going to be HUGE. For one, you’ll never feel lonely again. You won’t ever fear rejection from anybody, and partly because you’ll very rarely get ANY of it.
If you don’t learn how to make friends and build a social circle, you probably walk through a boring life, with the feeling of loneliness and “feeling removed” from the fun experiences you can have. As you grow up, you’ll probably start thinking that you “missed out on life”.
Why Should You Believe That I Can Help You?
As you probably know quite well, there is a new guru that pops up every hour of the day. Everybody thinks he or she has all the answers you need.
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t need to.
But I know some pretty practical things that work on the real world (and I don’t see anybody offering anything nearly as PRECISE about friendship).
If you’re asking yourself “Why should I follow Paul Sanders and try his ideas?”, good! I don’t want you to follow me. I want you to keep me as a friend you know (actually that’s somewhat true, because, if you write me, I’ll answer your emails).
I would love it if you gave my ideas a “curious-try”. Dive into it with a bit of criticism and see what it does for you.
I want you to TRY what you learn here. And report back, let’s see how fast you can make friends. In 99% of the cases, it’s easier than you think.
But hey, this is just me and what I know. I’m maybe wrong as anybody can be.
But I believe we can create some awesome adventures so let’s stay in touch.