What would you consider a great social skills training for adults? If you had to decide that you wanted to dramatically improve your social life for the next few months, using a program to learn all the necessary social skills you need; what would that “program” look like? What conditions would you impose on it?
I have been asking myself questions like this, as I was making the Advanced Social Skills Training. I wanted to share with you what I came up with, on what I consider an effective social skills training, for adults…
A training based on real life – not just science.
Science is great when it comes to informing us on how social we are. It informs us on how our social brains actually work. It also informs on how friendship works, and how we join social networks.
For a social skills training, though, it’s not enough – you need to have some real world experience and expertise to have social skills that are grounded in reality.
A training that you can realistically fit in a busy adult schedule.
If you’re a busy adult, you know that easy-to-give advice is often hard-to-implement. People often give advice from their own stand point, not taking into account what’s already going on in YOUR life.
This is why I focus on sharing techniques that can be used by anyone – even when they lack motivation and will power. If I share advice that can only be acted on by the most motivated and organized, then many will just not have the chance to try it… even if it’s GOOD advice.
See, “good” is not enough.
Each of us have their own life issues, habits and conditions that create our routines. And to be able to get new social skills, whatever I ask you to do has to be flexible so you can fit it in your own existing schedule.
Learning social skills is special because of this: most social activity takes place in the evening (often, after work) – a time of the day where you’re probably already tired and need to relax. This is why a great social skills training needs to have advice that is easy to act on, so you don’t procrastinate.
Rather than saying “Screw it! I’m tired.” I want you to say “Screw it! Let’s do it!”
A training that is focused on building new habits – not just a few action steps.
Let’s say I give you the best social skills advice in the world… if you act on it only once; it’s only going to work ONE TIME. I’m not interested in giving you one night of social success, I’m more interested in getting your social life to a whole new level.
And that requires that you take the right actions, repeatedly – as a habit.
By focusing on sets of new easily implementable new habits, we have the best chance to get your social life to the next level and get you the friends you want.
A training that is inspired by the success of socially successful people – emulating their exact behaviors.
A social skills training that works is one that is inspired by what socially successful people already do. The types of people who can move to any new city and build a new social circle in a couple of weeks.
It’s important to learn from them, as I have, because they have engaged in what I call unconscious learning. They kept improving their social skills throughout a long time, so their skills improve with them even noticing. This is why they get to a level that most people don’t attain, even if they try consciously. I actually like to notice those skills, use them myself, then organize them, and add them to my social skills toolkit.
A training that doesn’t require you to be extroverted.
A social skills training that can only work for the extroverted among us wouldn’t do. It’s important to develop social skills and habits that can get you the social life you want, even if you’re an introvert. Introverts don’t want to mingle too much, too often. This does not mean that you can’t get a happy social life, at your own pace.
A training that focuses on the inner game as well as the outer game – the mindset and the skill-set.
Finally, a great social skills training focuses on the mindset and the skill-set. We need to focus on how you think about friendship and social skills – as well as what to do to improve this area of your life. The best combination is one that has the thinking and doing parts, handled.
These and other conditions I imposed on myself while making the Advanced Social Skills Training. Students of this program are happy with it, and that’s what matters. If you want to check it out, please go here.
– Paul Sanders