social circle

When you’re trying to make plans to meet with new or existing friends, you had to jump through a few hoops to make that happen…

You had to contact them, one by one, see when they’re available, if they feel like going where you suggested, and go back and forth to let them know who’s coming. If one of them suggests a change in plans, something like “why don’t we stop by THAT place, before we go where you want to…” You’d have to contact all the others and tell them about that change.

Another example: let’s say that they all agree to go as you suggested, but when you call to book,… they’re out of tables. Now, you’d have to contact everyone and suggest another place. Cases like this happen everyday.

No wonder making plans feels like HARD WORK!

Imagine doing all that work, EVERY SINGLE WEEK, in order to go out with your friends. In fact, that burden makes people procrastinate on their social lives.

Enter Group Messaging!

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Yes, I talk about it as a game-changer, even if most people see it as a mere option. Some say it’s annoying, or it’s dorky. Well, just let them speak. I LOVE IT.

There are many, many reasons why group messaging makes your social life easier.

For starters, think about all the time you save when suggesting plans to a group of people… You start the conversation, suggest something, and they all RSVP in real time, and/or discuss other ideas, and/or suggest what time is right for them, and/or decide who’s going to book a table (if necessary.)

It’s one discussion, over group-texting, Facebook/Messenger group-chat, or another app like Whatsapp, Line, or others. IT depends on what’s mainly used where you live.

In any case, it’s ONE discussion, one chat window,… instead of a dozen chats, or a dozen calls. That’s super convenient.

There are other reasons…

With Group-Discussions, people Are More Likely To Join Your Plans

They get excited because they’re interacting with the whole group – it’s more fun. It attracts their attention more than one-on-one messaging. Right from the start, they get excited and anticipate to meet everyone who’s included in that discussion.

When people start saying yes, others feel compelled to join as well. Sometimes, even if they weren’t motivated before.

How To Use Group-Messaging To Quickly Build A New Social Circle

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Try this experiment for me: Go to a community event, meetup event, etc. Get to know the people and add some of them on Facebook or Whatsapp (do it right there if possible).

When you get home, create a new chat and add them all to it. Say something like “it was nice to meet you guys during last Friday’s event. I created this group discussion so we can stay in touch. Maybe share any info about next events or organize another meet…”

After a few days, suggest a coffee or a drink. Say something like “How about we go for a drink next Wednesday, I’m thinking of this Awesome Place on that Awesome Street, at 8pm. What do you guys think?”

That is how you jump-start a social circle out of nothing, and with minimum effort. By the way, this is how very socially successful people do it. That’s how they can manage so many relationships at once – they find ways

Remember to add people from the opposite sex to your group messages. It makes the conversation more lively and interesting. If you’re a guy, here is a great article on why your friendship with women is important.

Organize A (Your) Birthday Like A Champ

The birthday case: If someone is having a birthday, (maybe yours), add all their friends to a group chat, to centralize communications, and give them info about the party. That’s an opportunity for everyone to know who’s coming and anticipate who they’ll be meeting. You can even anticipate, google the people who are coming, and even think of what you have in common, or what to talk to them about that would be of their interest, before you get there.

In addition, group-messaging tells you who’s actively social vs. who’s not. People who are actively social will either talk more on group chats, or will at least confirm that they’re coming if a date is suggested.

4 Rules For Responsible Group-Messaging

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Group-messaging (group-texting in particular) can be very annoying. We should all be careful not to over-do it. Here are some rules of thumb to keep in mind.

  1. Adding people who don’t know each other to a group chat is borderline appropriate – but it sometimes is a huge time saver. If you worry that others won’t find it totally cool, just start with a light apology, and explain why you added everybody (Hi, I’m adding everyone I’ve met from last Friday’s event so we can discuss [Something], I hope you guys don’t mind! – Don’t hesitate to add somebody else if you feel like it.)
  2. Don’t add people who have nothing to do with the group – it can be annoying. At the same time, people now can “mute” a group conversation (without signaling to others that they’re leaving the group chat) if it becomes too distracting. They can unmute it back if they have time to interact. So, people are becoming more and more tolerant of those group messaging features.
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  3. If you have a group chat with close friends, don’t add a complete stranger to it without telling them beforehand. That can be a huge no-no. Some will no longer be able to express themselves as freely now that a stranger is listening. The level of intimacy should be balanced somehow.
  4. A final one, and the main reason why some people hate group-messaging: Be concise, don’t make small talk when group-texting. That’s no time to shoot the breeze or tell too many jokes. It can still be fun, but don’t over do it. That would make your contacts’ phones explode with random and useless messages.

Introduce People To Each Other, Be A Connector!

Group-messaging is great when it comes to introducing people to each other and forming groups: “Hi, Alex, hi, Marie, I wanted to introduce you guys since both of you are into [What they have in common]; maybe you would want to stay in touch and discuss it !” or “Hi, Alex. Marie, here, is looking for a new hire in [Alex’s field of work], maybe you would be interested in that position, or otherwise maybe you can suggest someone who can be a good fit!”

Who wouldn’t want to meet others with the same interests, that easily?

Go ahead and try this stuff – it’ll give a boost to your social circle building efforts!

– Paul Sanders

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