When no one understands you, it can be difficult to make friends. Communication and forming connections become almost impossible. Other than that, it can make you feel highly alienated from others. It’s a terrible feeling and it can bring down your self-esteem. It can also, in the long run, completely turn you off from socializing altogether.
You don’t have to go through this trouble, though. If no one understands you now, you can turn that on its head. You’ll first need to understand why no one understands you. Then, you get to the things you need to do to remedy that.
Why No One Understands You
Having a level of understanding as to why no one understands you can help you get above it moving forward. Here are some of the most probable reasons why no one understands you. See which of these applies to you.
You’re not very articulate
If no one understands you, it could just be because you’re not that articulate as a person. You’re not that good at speaking out your thoughts and using the correct words to convey what you want to say. This can lead to you being misunderstood constantly.
You don’t open up to others
Another possible reason why you’re not understood by others is that you don’t open up enough. People don’t know enough about you because you don’t allow them to get to know you. As a result, everyone just makes assumptions about you based on what they see and hear.
You don’t act like yourself when you’re with others
If you put on a facade when surrounded by other people, meaning you try to be somebody you’re not, then it’s no surprise that no one understands you. This can make your personality insincere and inconsistent. People will see you as a “fake.” Not only will this lead you to be misunderstood, but it can also make you seem untrustworthy.
You’re anxious around other people
Being anxious around other people, especially strangers, is a very normal response. A lot of people have social anxiety and you shouldn’t feel bad if you have it too.
That said, if this is the case for you, it could be the reason why no one understands you. Your social anxiety causes you to act differently and somewhat unnatural when surrounded by others.
Others don’t really get to see the “real” you when you socialize with them. You either become too shy and nervous to interact at all, or you resort to something we’ve already talked about: You put on a facade.
Your actions and words get misinterpreted
Aside from lack of articulation, there are a lot of reasons why your actions and words can get misinterpreted. In some instances, the fault doesn’t even lie with you. You can say and do things that mean one thing, but someone else will mistake it for another.
In instances where your words and actions are misinterpreted, you do little to no effort to clarify yourself. This leads others to cement their misinformed thoughts of you.
You don’t listen to others
If you’re someone who doesn’t listen to other people, it is easy for others to completely misunderstand you. This is because your interactions with other people are either one-sided or unproductive. If you don’t listen to others, you won’t be able to interact with them properly.
Those you’ll interact with will also eventually realize this fact and they won’t be interested in learning more about you. If you can’t listen to them, why would they listen to you?
You’re hanging out with the wrong crowd
If you hang out with the wrong crowd, you have a higher tendency of being misunderstood. This is because your personality is incompatible with theirs. Socially adept people have no problem interacting with and befriending people who have different personalities from theirs. If you’re not socially adept yet, though, you’re better off hanging out with a crowd you can relate to. You’ll only be understood by everyone otherwise.
You don’t form genuine connections
One of the most common reasons why people get misunderstood is that they don’t form genuine connections with others. If you’re someone who settles for small talks only, doesn’t fully pay attention to those you interact with, or does not allow them to get a full picture of who you are, this could be why no one understands you.
As made clear by now, forming genuine connections is key to being fully understood. If you close yourself in, away from other people, then it’s easy to see why those around you don’t fully understand you.
What To Do If No One Understands You
Now that you’re aware of the reasons why no one understands you, it’s time to do something about it. That said, here are the things you can do so people will understand you from here on out.
Get to know yourself better
One of the best things you can do if you want to be better understood by others is to understand yourself first. If you can fully describe yourself, figure out what moves you, motivates you, and angers you, you’ll be able to help those around you understand you better.
This act of self-awareness will also give you perspective. You’ll know your strengths and your weaknesses. You’ll know which aspects of yourself you can use to socialize with others and which you still need to improve on. Doing this practice alone will benefit you a lot in regard to your social life. Being understood better by others is just one of those benefits.
Surround yourself with like-minded people
It’s so much easier to be understood by others if those people are like-minded individuals. As we’ve established earlier, hanging out with the wrong crowd can make you become misunderstood. Its a no surprise that no one understands you if everyone in your circle has personalities and interests that don’t align with yours.
Having said that, do the opposite of this. Seek out like-minded people instead. Join social groups and clubs that are suited for you. Be with your flock and you’ll be understood much more easily by others.
Of course, this is just one step that you can take. You’ll still need to do a lot more after finding individuals you can relate to. Don’t expect to be understood immediately once you find a group you feel you belong to.
Get comfortable with opening up
If you want to be understood, you’ll need to start opening up. If you’re someone who’s not used to doing this, this part can be very stressful and difficult. The more you do it, though, the easier it will be.
Simply start talking about little things first. Your interests, your job, your dreams, etc. You don’t need to immediately reveal everything about yourself to the world. You can take things slow, but it’s important that you start right away.
If someone asks, all the better. Don’t be ashamed of sharing things about yourself, especially when it is asked of you. This is normal in a social setting, after all. Open up whenever you get the chance until you become comfortable with it.
Start trusting other people
It’ll be easier for you to open yourself up to other people if you start trusting them. If you always see others with a mistrusting eye, you’ll always be uncomfortable and doubtful about sharing things about yourself with them.
While it’s true that there are people out there you definitely can’t trust, you shouldn’t focus on those individuals. You also should let this affect the way you see people who are deserving of your trust. Avoid generalizing. Start trusting people and it’ll be easier for you to reveal yourself to them. In turn, it will help them understand you better.
Start trusting yourself
You can’t trust others if you can’t trust yourself. You should also keep this in mind from here on out.
Trust yourself that you can indeed be understood by others. Trust that you can open up comfortably and that nothing wrong will happen because of that. If something wrong does happen along the way, trust yourself that you’ll be able to fix the problem.
The best person you can rely on throughout this whole process is yourself. Give yourself more credit.
Learn the art of conversation
The art of conversation is something a lot of people underestimate. Starting conversations is just the tip of the iceberg. You’ll also need to how to maintain one meaningfully. You’ll need to know how to make long, deep conversations as well as small talks that are just as impactful.
This also includes being able to listen intently. Conversations shouldn’t be one-sided, after all. Learn how to listen properly
There are so many branches in this social aspect and it can take a while to fully master. If you’re someone no one understands and you’re sick and tired of it, take the time to be better at conversations. There are a lot of articles on this site that can help you out with this. Be sure to check them out after you’ve read this one through.
Ask for help from your friends
You shouldn’t do this alone. If you have people in your circle who do truly know you, ask for their help. Let them know that you’ve noticed more people have been misunderstanding you lately. Ask them if they’ve also, at one point, misunderstood you. Then, ask them for advice and assistance. Let them know you’re trying to better yourself in this aspect.
Aside from yourself, the people who know you best are your closest friends or relatives. Don’t be ashamed to ask them for help. Chances are, they’ll be more than willing to help you as long as you ask it.
Stop attempting to please everybody
If you please everybody, you’ll only end up hurting yourself. It is highly nonsensical to expect everybody to like you, or at least fully understand you. As you meet more and more people, you’re bound to encounter some who are just so different from you that it’s impossible to relate to them.
You have to know that this is perfectly normal.
When you force yourself to please everybody, you’ll adapt new traits and approaches you aren’t comfortable with. You’ll act aloof and you’ll seem desperate. As a result, more people will look at you with a questionable eye. Avoid having this happen to you.
Instead, focus on those you can please. Focus on those you can relate to. Like-minded and open-minded people who are deserving of your attention. These are the people who can and will understand you for who you are.
Relax your mind and body
If you’re nervous around other people, your body has a tendency to tense up. Your body language will look very robotic and it will be obvious just how anxious you are. While being anxious is perfectly normal, you’re better off learning how to suppress this.
Aside from that, your mind will also perform mental gymnastics. You’ll overthink, overact, and react inappropriately.
Having said these things, you’ll want to relax your mind and body so you can interact with others properly. Relax your body and start portraying positive body language. Stop tensing up. Loose up any tense muscles and do your best to stand up straight.
You’ll also need to relax your mind. Stop overthinking things that may happen. Focus on the present. Focus on the interactions that you’ll have. Free your mind and body of any burdens and you’ll act better in social interactions. This, in turn, will help you get understood better.
Start forming genuine connections with others
You’ll never really get understood by others if you don’t form a genuine connection with them. That said, make an effort to form them each time you interact with somebody. You can do this by employing everything you’ve read so far and more that are still to come.
What you should simply keep in mind for now is that whenever you get the chance to interact with somebody, do so with the intention of forming a connection with them. Don’t just interact with people for the sake of it. Open yourself up and allow them to get to know you. Conversely, make an effort to get to know them.
Be more open-minded
If you want to be more understood by people, you can clash with them the moment your beliefs and opinions collide. As you go along and meet more people, it’s inevitable that you’ll meet someone who doesn’t share your beliefs in everything. In fact, it’s unreasonable to expect this.
With that in mind, make sure to keep an open mind when you go out there to meet people. If you meet someone who has a different opinion from yours, hear them out. Promote a healthy discussion between opposing points of view. There’s no need for hostility when it comes to this.
People will appreciate you for being open-minded. They’ll want to get to know you better so that they can understand you more.
Find a common ground
One of the best ways to connect with someone so you can reach a level of understanding is to find a common ground. Find something the both of you have in common. Whether that be an interest in a particular sport or a similar dream you both want to achieve.
Simply start talking about your interests and goals and encourage the other to do the same. Eventually, you’ll find a common ground you both can settle on and your connection can flourish from there.
It’s easier to understand other people by doing this. Conversely, it will make it easier for others to understand you. This is a really fun process and it’s one of the best ways to form friendships. Be sure to keep this in mind the next time you go out there.
Be in environments you’re comfortable with
If you keep going to places you’re uncomfortable with, you’ll only end up throwing everything you’ve learned here thus far. You’ll be too uncomfortable to relax, you’ll be too distracted to focus on the other person, and you won’t be able to form genuine connections.
As a result of this, you’ll fall back to square one. You’ll end up doing things that will lead people to misunderstand you once again. Make things easier for yourself by choosing to only go to places you find comfortable.
If you dislike loud and rowdy crowds, prefer to go to relaxing pubs and cafes instead. Whatever your preference is, you’re bound to find a place that suits that.
Stop trying too hard
If you try too hard, you’ll overreact or act inappropriately. Avoid this by, once again, relaxing. Take it easy. Try enough, but don’t overdo it. Those with keen eyes and who are socially adept will be able to see right through the acts of desperation. You’ll be misconstrued and misunderstood by them if you keep at this.
There’s a balance here you’ll need to maintain. You’ll need to make a conscious effort, but if you overdo this, you’ll seem very manic and aloof. Calibrate when you feel like you’re going too far. If you start asking yourself, “Am I overdoing it?”, chances are, you are overdoing it. Take a step back and take it easy.
Attempt to become more approachable
Make it easy for people to get to know you by being approachable. You can do this by making sure that your behavior and demeanor are positive all the time. Be friendly and kind to the people you meet. Make sure to smile when you can. Practice in front of a mirror so that your resting face doesn’t look intimidating or unapproachable.
You can also do your best to look as presentable as you can be all the time. Stay clean, fresh, and appealing. If you want more information on how to be more approachable, be sure to check out the linked article. Take the time to read it after this one.
Work on your social anxiety
If the problem at hand is linked to undeniable social anxiety, the best step to take moving forward is to address this. Focus first on your social anxiety and how to get rid of it. If you ignore this now and move forward without addressing it, you’ll only be prolonging the problem.
Social anxiety is a whole other topic that deserves its own set of articles. With that in mind, be sure to read up on our articles about social shyness and loneliness.
If the problem is much more serious than the average social anxiety, don’t hesitate to seek out the help of a professional.
Don’t put on a facade
Putting on a facade each time you interact with somebody is absolutely the worst thing you can do. As mentioned early on in this article, if you keep putting on a facade when interacting with others, your personality will seem insincere and inconsistent. People will find it hard to know who you really are. They’ll find it even harder to trust you.
Remember the previous tip. Trust yourself. You don’t need to be somebody you’re not just for the sake of others. Use your strengths and improve upon your weaknesses. Don’t portray a characteristic that’s not you. Learn how to be yourself and how to be comfortable in your own skin. As long as you’re able to do this, everyone around you will finally be able to understand you for who you are.
When no one understands you, you feel alone, left out, scared, and ashamed. You don’t have to go through this anymore. Be sure to take everything you’ve read here to heart. Be patient with this process as it can take a while for things to get better. Make no mistake, though. It will indeed get better.
There’s one last thing you can keep in mind so that you won’t be misunderstood anymore. Socially adept people rarely get misunderstood by people. This is because they know how to carry themselves and they’re comfortable with being themselves. This is the kind of person you’ll need to be.