As a human being, you are constantly evolving in your personal life. At times, you may even seem to “level up,” and as you do, it becomes apparent that you must update your social circle to match. This includes transitioning to better friends and leaving the old ones behind.
It’s a special moment in life when you feel like it’s time to leave some friends behind, or end even one friendship, and move on to making friends with new people.
It’s far from being easy. But there is a method to it, and you can do it without hurting yours or the other person’s feelings. In this article, let’s get you ready for that “transition” whenever it’s time to “upgrade” your social life.
When It’s Time to End A Friendship
Ideally, you would have better and better friends, as you go through life.
As you invest in yourself, try and make your life better, and evolve, you may find that some old friends are not up to your speed. Perhaps they are not trying to better themselves like you are; you may feel that they’re dragging you down to a lower… level of existence, let’s say. You feel that you’ve outgrown them.
You may not enjoy their company like you used to. You may start to think that the things they’re concerned with, the things they’re talking about, are no longer relevant to you. Maybe you no longer want to talk about sports, gossip, insignificant job problems, etc. It’s not that you want to judge them for it – you’re just not that interested in those things anymore.
Maybe you feel that the motivations and aspirations you have are not matched by your existing friends. Maybe you have a desire to surround yourself with people who are motivated as well, who can add to your motivation – not put it down.
In other cases, you might feel that you no longer share the values of your old friends. Sometimes, there is that feeling when you question if they’re really your friends – you may even start to consider them as “fake friends.” These things happen.
When things like this happen, you start to feel that it’s time to make some new friends – and maybe let go of existing ones.
Here Is Why It’s Hard To Leave Friends Behind And “Just Move On”
Anybody can tell you to “just move on… don’t sweat it; just make some new friends and forget about the old ones.” But, that’s way easier said than done.
Letting go of old friends to embrace new ones is hard because…
- It’s a jump out of your comfort zone.
- You may have developed a friendly love for these people; it’s not easy to just rip them out of your life. You may have had some amazing and unforgettable experiences together, and that’s valuable.
- Letting go of friends feels like a jump into the unknown – you start to think: “What if I don’t succeed in making new friends? What if I end up alone? Maybe I should just stick with the people I have for now.”
- It’s a moment when your social skills and ability to make friends is really put to the test.
- And, maybe you don’t have that much extra time to invest in looking for new friends after all.
Hopefully, this list helps you understand why it feels hard. And that understanding alone makes you are better prepared to deal with them.
How To Start The Transition To A New Social Life
The first thing to do is get clarity and think ahead. You need to do that on two fronts.
The old friend(s)…
First of all – what kind of relationship do you want to have with them after the transition? Maybe you don’t want to cut them off completely. Maybe you just want to meet them less often. Maybe you love them, and want to keep them around – or maybe you just want to keep them as a contact.
The point is, you don’t have to completely cut them out, just because you’re upgrading your social life. It doesn’t have to be so black and white, especially not at first.
And, the new ones…
There is another reason to think ahead… ask yourself these questions: which kinds of friends you now want? What is missing in your old friends that you want in the new ones? Is there a new interest or activity that have and want to meet more people interested in the same things? Did you recently change jobs and want to find friends who also work in that field? Maybe you have done some personal development work and gained some new character traits or values… how about meeting people who share those same values?
It’s Time For Action
Once you know what you want, it’s time for action.
Now that you’ve determined which type of friends you want in your new social circle, you gotta go out to meet them! Do some research; figure out what the best places to meet the kinds of people you want; try to go there once or twice a month.
If you have any ‘acquaintances’ who could fit with what you want as friends, contact them again. Try and meet them and see what happens!
I also invite you to read Get The Friends You Want. I wrote it from my own experiences of “leveling up” and transitioning to a new social circle, many times. It’ll give you the techniques and action-plan to get the social life you want, even if you’re starting from scratch.
– Paul Sanders
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