In this article, let’s talk about how to build, improve, and develop personality. We all want to have an attractive, interesting, and strong personality that makes others see us at our best and want to become and stay friends with us.

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Have you ever wondered why some people leave a great impression on everyone they meet? Did you notice how some of them do it so naturally? Here, I’m not talking about those who work on their first impression or prepare their elevator pitch. I’m not even talking about those gregarious, larger than life people who get noticed from across the room.

This is about developing your personality, making it interesting and attractive, in a natural way.

If you want to build and develop your personality, please know that it comes from within. It’s not a trick or an “act.” Even if it feels strange at first.

So, where do you start if it’s not a simple technique? Well, here are some pointers that can help.

How To Build and Develop Personality, Make it Attractive, Interesting, and Strong

1. Clarify Your Values and Principles

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Most people think they have values and principles. What I’ve noticed is that they rarely have a clear idea what these are.

When you have a strong personality, it lays on top of some clear idea of who you are and what you stand for. You need to know yourself. You need to be clear on who you are, what you like and don’t like in life in general and in other people.

Try and avoid believing in something today, then totally changing your mind the next day. For example, you can’t tolerate a certain behavior (like being late to a meeting) from someone, today, then be shocked by that same behavior a few days later.

If you swing back and forth on what you believe and stand for, then you have what I call a “porous personality.”

There is probably no need to tell you that you’re allowed to change your mind and evolve. But that’s different from swing back and forth between values and principles. You want to have around 80% stability and 20% flexibility in what you believe and stand for. I would add that you should avoid getting too rigid, though, as that can be counterproductive.

2. Project Who You Are Without Saying A Word

Sometimes, you don’t have to say a word to project your personality.

Catherine Deneuve - Strong Personality. (CREDIT-Andre Rau)YSL-Museum-06.nocrop.w1800.h1330.2x-min

Sometimes, you don’t have to say a word to project your personality. First, you do the work of “knowing yourself” and determining your values. After that, you can rest, be secure, and rely on that stability within yourself.

The days when you were full of doubts and uncertainty can stay in the past.

With that, your facial expressions, serious or playful, can project that assurance and security within. When out, meeting people, try and remind yourself that you know yourself and what you stand for, and then allow your body language and facial expressions to reflect that. Ease into a relaxed state. It’s much harder to pretend you’re confident when you’re not, inside. But when you have the inside right, then it’s all about allowing yourself to express it externally.

It takes some practice, but it’s well worth it. This is what people call “charm.” Allowing the confidence within to be expressed outside. Express that natural and legitimate confidence when you enter a room, interact with others, and when introducing yourself to new people.

One subtle way that shows others that you have a strong personality is how long you look in a direction or look at someone. Doubtful people tend to shift their heads from one place to another quite frequently. People with a developed personality tend to have a longer, calm gaze – usually with a smile when interacting with others.

3. Show Some Edge When Talking

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When you clarify who you are, and then start showing it with your body language and facial expressions, it’s time to talk… about the way you talk.

How do you express yourself? Do you avoid expressing anything that others might disagree with? Do you avoid any kind of intellectual conflict at all costs? I hope not.

See, when you try and be safe, what you’re sacrificing is “edge.” You become too safe, too normal, too,… sorry to say,… too boring!

Expressing the edges of what you think, speaking like you strongly believe something AND that you’re open to hearing the other person’s view, shows that you have a strong personality.

I get that not everyone will understand you. I get that not everyone will be accept you as you are. But that’s no reason to “cower” and “hide” behind a safe personality that’s acceptable by all.

To show some edge, be more willing to express yourself and your views – even those not shared by many. There are parts of you which are unique, when you reveal them, you become memorable. People start to remember the fact that you have an interesting personality.

There are parts of you which are unique, when you reveal them, you become memorable.

4. Learn From Spies

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Yes, spies!

Spies tend to be social skills experts. They become experts in reading others and influencing their decisions. They also become experts at lying and deception.

We don’t need the dark stuff here, but there are a few habits we can learn from them. For instance, they have cultural adaptation. They’re interested in a variety of cultures, subjects, races, religions, regions and countries, historical periods, and different fields of work, art, and interest.

In other words, they tend to have a large chest of knowledge which allows them to talk to anyone and adapt to whomever they’re talking to.

This is an important part of building and developing your personality. When people talk to you, they quickly notice that you “get it.” They see that you know what they’re talking about and that you understand it in its context.

For example, someone comes from Poland and starts talking about her home country. Hopefully, you’re aware of what happened in Poland during WWII – you know about the wars that took place in that region. Hopefully you know about the fairly recent (early 90’s) economic development there. If that’s the case, that person would be much more likely to feel understood. And that makes you much more memorable than those who can’t point Poland in a map.

But wait, don’t worry if you don’t know anything about Poland… it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to have friends from Poland! 🙂

My point is that by being curious about the world, you get to have an interesting personality. It enriches your views. And because you’ll already be expressing yourself well (showing some edge), the good effect is compounded.

Rich cultural and general knowledge X edginess = Wow!

And it all starts with having the curiosity to learn about the world. It’s a beautiful, interesting world; the more you know about it, the more people you can relate to.

5. Show Some Vulnerability

confident personality can show vulnerability

A big part of having an attractive personality is showing that you’re vulnerable, from time to time. Don’t strive to show that you’re perfect. Show that you have shortcomings, weaknesses, and maybe that you’ve had failures here and there along your career or anywhere you tried something that didn’t work.

This creates attachment with others. It gets them attracted to you.

You should do this in a subtle way: “mention” your weaknesses or shortcomings, instead of dwelling on them.

This works so well at getting others to open up and be more attracted that some people use it all the time. I’ve known people who instantly show their quirkiness in super-subtle ways (they just happen to mention it). They do it as soon as they meet someone new, because they know that it gets people “hooked” – they wanna know more and hang out more.

The bottom line is that people don’t trust those who seem perfect. “Perfect” is unconsciously suspicious to them.

6. Be Confidently Humble

Do you wanna know how to have a good personality? Repeat after me: “I… Don’t… Know.”

Those three words are a mark of the confident person. When you don’t know something, when you’re ignorant in some field, confidently say that you don’t know about it. It’s easy to pretend to know what people are talking about when you have no clue. After all, you don’t wanna be embarrassed, right? Wrong! People have a ton of respect for those who can admit what they don’t know.

What makes this great for building your personality is that when you say that you DO know about something… people believe you. You sound much more credible.

For example: Imagine I was someone who presents himself as an expert in video editing and post-production. Let’s say I tell you that I don’t know much about photography, a few minutes later I tell you the same about recording videos; I don’t know about that neither. Then, a few minutes later, I tell you that “yes, I know a lot about video editing and post-production.” I would sounds credible. After all, why would I lie? If I didn’t know about video editing I would just say it, like I just did for that other stuff. Now compare that with saying that I do know a lot about all those things. You might or might not believe me, but you wouldn’t see me as a specialized person in video editing in particular.

I hope you see how that works. When you admit that you don’t know something, be comfortable saying that you don’t know about it. People respect that, and remember that you have a strong and credible personality. A personality strong enough for you to admit your shortcomings.

Saying “I Don’t Know” when you don’t know something, makes you more credible with the things you do know.

Develop Your Personality Even Further

To make your personality strong, you need social experience, talking to people, and making new friends. The more experience you get and the more kinds of people you get to know, the better and stronger your personality will be.

On the other hand, the more you shy away from socializing and meeting people, the weaker your personality gets. To avoid that, take action today and learn from my mistakes (and the secrets I uncovered), so you can start having the social life you want.

– Paul Sanders

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