The ability to ask people to hang out with you in a casual and convincing manner is a skill many socially adept individuals have had to learn. Asking people to hang out with you could be your first step into making friendships. While in some instances you can simply wait for the right circumstances and get introduced to other people by other people, if you know how to ask people to hang out with you, you’ll be able to forge new bonds on your own.
How to Ask People to Hang Out With You
A lot of people easily fall under the trap of being intrusive and bothersome when trying to get people to hang out with them. With the right information and approach, however, you’ll be able to do it properly. Take a look at the following tips so you can learn how to ask people to hang out with you without being intrusive and bothersome.
Assess whether or not they’re interested
First things first, before you even consider asking someone to hang out with you, you must first verify whether they’re interested or not. This is a piece of advice that’s most especially helpful if you’re not used to asking people out yet. It’s infinitely harder to ask someone who’s disinterested from the get-go than it is to ask out someone who might be interested.
There are a lot of ways to tell whether someone is interested in hanging out with you or not. In fact, you can pretty much figure it out during your first conversation with them. If they don’t pay much attention to you, they don’t answer your questions thoroughly, and they seem like they’d rather be elsewhere than talk to you further.
Do keep in mind that things change in time. If you feel as though they’re not interested in hanging out with you yet, put it off for now. Remain polite and friendly to them. You might catch their attention eventually. You can ask them to hang out with you then.
Don’t jump into it right away
A lot of people make the mistake of immediately asking a person out when interacting with them. They only make a few small talks and then they immediately ask them to hang out with them. While some people will not mind this and just accept it, others will see this as intrusive. This is something you need to avoid.
Instead, get to know them first. Engage them in conversation. Give them a glimpse of who you are as a person and as a potential friend. Once you’ve finally gotten along with them, that’s when you can bring up the idea of hanging out. Let it sound like an opportunity for the both of you to get each other more. Take your time. Don’t rush it.
Don’t bore them with small talk
Just like you shouldn’t invite someone to hang out with you from the get-go, you also shouldn’t go to the extreme end of the other spectrum and bore them with small talk. You’ll only seem like you’re stalling. Even worse, you’ll leave an awful first impression. Don’t make conversation for the sake of making conversation. Show interest in them. As mentioned in the earlier point, engage them in conversation. Get to know them and let them get to know you.
Not that there’s anything wrong with small talk in itself. This can be a very useful conversational and socializing tool, after all. Just don’t overdo it. You’ll end up boring the other person. Be more casual in your approach and actually show interest.
Give them a reason to hang out with you
If you want someone to hang out with you, actually give them a reason to. It’s one thing to ask them and convince you to hang out with them, it’s another to actually make them want it.
The best way to do to keep in mind the previous points you’ve read thus far and the points moving forward. Become closer with them first before you ask them out. Make them want to get to know you more.
You’ll ultimately need to make yourself more interesting in the eyes of that person. While this sounds like a task that’s easier said than done, and maybe it is, it’s something you can do easily just by understanding the other person and what their interests are–which brings me to my next point…
Understand their interests
If you really want to make someone become interested in you enough to actually want to hang out with you, then you need to start getting to know them a little better. To do this, you’ll need to start understanding their interests.
Get to know what that person’s likes, dislikes, interests, and hobbies are. Know the things that make them respond positively. Talk about things they’ll actually enjoy talking about. Ask them what their interests are. You can also simply tell them yours and that’ll encourage them to open up their interests.
This is one of the nicest things you can do for another person. Understand their interests and you’ll understand them more. Once a person realizes that you’re taking interest in them enough that you’re willing to get to know them more, for as long as you’re doing this as nicely as possible, they have a higher tendency of being more comfortable with you.
Find like-minded individuals
If you’re someone who’s not used to asking people to hang out with you, you might find this whole ordeal quite challenging. However, there is one thing you can do to make the experience generally easier for yourself. You must simply find someone who has a lot in common with you.
Finding like-minded individuals and interacting with them will make it easier for you to forge friendships. When you interact with someone who’s very much like you in many ways, you both will become comfortable with each other much faster. You’ll then find it easier to ask them to hang out with you. They might even ask you instead if things turn out well enough.
Don’t be offended if they say no
One of the things you need to keep in mind here is that not everyone you’ll ask to hang out with you will say yes. Some of them will decline for whatever reasons they have. If and when this happens, it is very important for you to not take this personally. Don’t be offended if they say no. Instead, just smile it off and understand. You tried and that’s all that matters.
They might even offer to take a raincheck instead. They may just not be ready to hang out with you yet. Take it as it is. Don’t be too bothered by it. Sometimes, making someone comfortable enough to want to hang out with you takes time. Don’t rush it. The wait will be worth it. Some of the best friendships take time to fully flourish.
Make the timing favorable for you
Timing can also play a large part in asking a person to hang out with you. Make the timing perfect. For example, if you ask someone to hang out at the end of the week rather than at the beginning, you have a higher chance of receiving a resounding “yes” rather than a decline.
This is a very minor thing but it can definitely make or break a hang out. Be sure to keep this in mind the next time you consider asking someone to hang out with you.
Let it be a group activity
Asking someone to hang out with you can also be easier if the hang out involves a large group of people. For example, if the people at your office are planning on going to a bar together after work on a Friday evening and you’ve been invited, asking someone else at that office to go with you is a very opportune moment. Most likely, they’ll want to be a part of that hangout and maybe they’ll even be grateful to you for inviting them.
Group get-togethers are very fun and they’re great opportunities to befriend other people. Make sure to take advantage of this should the opportunity present itself.
Have a plan ready
It’s a very good idea to have a plan ready before you ask someone to hang out with you. This is so that when they agree and ask what your plan is, you won’t scramble for ideas then and there. Although sometimes the other person may provide input, it’s still a good idea to have one of yours at the ready.
That said, the moment you figure you know enough about that person to gauge their likes and dislikes, find a place you know they’ll be comfortable with. Find an activity you know they’ll enjoy. Once you finally ask them to hang out with you and they agree, you’ll be able to present them with a plan that’s very much agreeable for them.
Be willing to adjust
While it’s good to have a plan ready, you should also be willing to adjust accordingly. If you present your plan to the other person and they present you with an alternative, be comfortable with adjusting. Don’t think of the plan you had as a wasted thing, just save it for later instead. Go with the flow of the other person and they’ll appreciate you for it.
Don’t overthink it
Overthinking is a mind-killer. It can cause you to think of incredibly hypothetical scenarios that have little to no chance of ever happening. That said, avoid overthinking at all costs. The moment you’re about to ask someone to hang out with you, don’t allow your mind to overthink. Just jump in the water and ask them, granted you’ve taken all the advised steps prior to actually asking them to hang out with you.
Overthinking has its place, but that place isn’t here. Stop being bothered by things yet to happen. This can also affect the way you speak and move around that person. They might begin to start seeing you as awkward and anxious. Learn to be more confident with your thoughts and decisions. As long as the two of you have become comfortable enough with each other, it’s perfectly fine for you to ask them to hang out then.
Get over the fear of asking people to hang out with you
Another thing that can totally destroy your chances of successfully asking someone to hang out with you is fear. Don’t be afraid of being rejected. This is a very normal happening and yes, it can happen to you. We’ve already discussed how you should not be offended by it, now you must also realize that you shouldn’t be afraid of it.
The more afraid you are of being rejected, the less you’ll want to actually ask people to hang out with you. This particular fear will drive you away from the goal in mind. Stop letting it take over you and just go ahead and ask. As long as you’ve paid heed to the tips you’ve read here, you’ll have a very high chance of receiving affirmation. If ever you do get rejected, that’s fine too. The attempt is already a commendable feat. Just move on and don’t falter.
Don’t wear a fake mask when asking
When you ask someone to hang out with you, always show sincerity. Be yourself, or the better version of yourself you’ve been working hard to be. Don’t wear a fake mask. You’ll only portray a sense of false confidence the other person will see right through immediately or eventually.
Besides, one can only wear a fake mask for so long before it becomes too heavy for them. You’ll be better off remaining genuine so that the other person can see and know you for who you truly are. The other person will also appreciate you more for this.
Don’t talk to a person just for the sake of asking them out
One thing you should never do if you want to successfully ask people to hang out with you is to speak to them just for the sake of asking them out. People do this since they believe they’ll only get to know each other properly if they meet at another location. They also seek to hang out with the other person for the sake of hanging out with them. They lose sight of the main purpose of hanging out–to socialize, to make friends, and of course, to have fun.
Never talk to a person just for the sake of asking them out. As we’ve already talked about, there’s a process here you need to respect. It’s okay to take these things slowly. Get to know them first. Have them get to know you first. Have meaningful conversations and interactions with them first. You’ll know when it’s time to ask them to hang out with you.
It will also help if you can be presentable when you ask people to hang out with you. As shallow as this sounds, we as humans tend to find those who look clean, attractive, and respectable more reliable and trustworthy. With that in mind, take the time to appear presentable. Make sure your clothes are ironed out, nails clipped, hair well-kept, etc.
This is a minor thing but you’ll definitely have a higher chance of hearing a yes when you ask a person to hang out with you, even when you’ve gotten to know that person a bit. It’s also integral that you make this a habit. Be presentable at all times. This will do well for your atmosphere and reputation, which will also make it easier for people to say yes to you when you ask them to hang out with you.
Learn how to be more confident with yourself
Confidence is a very powerful tool. It will affect the way you speak, think, and move. If you’re confident, you’ll be able to approach someone else more calmly. You’ll be able to speak to them coherently and respond constantly in a proper manner. When you’re confident, the other person will also notice this and find your presence comfortable and exciting.
This is a task that’s easier said than done, of course, but it can indeed be done. You can begin making this happen by believing in the fact that you can make it happen. Confidence relies a lot on your ability to believe in yourself. Keep that in mind too. As long as you can keep your confidence up, it will be very easy to ask people to hang out with you.
Be friendlier to everyone
You should always be friendly to everyone you meet. This is a piece of advice more people need to hear. It is also something you need to practice at all times. Be friendly to everyone you meet, regardless of where you are and who you meet. Be courteous and polite. Send them a smile and a simple greeting. Be sincere in your approach. Keep this up until it becomes something habitual.
The more you do this, the more natural it will be for you to be friendly with others. This will help your approach but it will also positively affect the way others see you as an individual. If you’re someone who’s generally known as a friendly person, anyone will find it easy to say yes to you when you ask them to hang out.
While you’re at this, it should also be worth noting that you should also be polite at all times. Friendliness and politeness joined hand-in-hand make for a positive and joyful personality. Make sure you’re able to adapt this to yourself, not only for those around you but for yourself as well.
Consider asking someone to hang out with you via text or chat
In our modern, technologically-centric era, there’s always the option to interact with someone else digitally. If you find it too much of a pressure to approach a certain person right now physically, perhaps you’ll be more comfortable doing it via text or chat. That way, if you’re comfortable, you’ll be able to interact with them properly, you’ll be able to construct your sentences right, and you’ll be able to have the proper timing on when exactly to ask them to hang out.
Do take note that there are a lot of caveats to this convenient option. First, you’ll still need to interact with them physically at some point. Maybe you’ll then be comfortable speaking to them in person if you’ve gotten to know them enough via chat or text, but the level of comfort will always be different if the interaction is done in person.
There’s also the fact that there are some people who find this approach impersonal. However, most young people don’t mind it at all. Just make sure you keep this in mind and get to know the person you’re planning to ask to hang out with you.
What To Do After
Once you finally ask someone to hang out with you, and they say yes, congratulations! That will just be the first of many! Just remember that just this is not the end of the process of blossoming a friendship. As mentioned, friendships take time. They need to be taken care of. Be sure to remember this. When someone agrees to hang out with you, make sure you pay them the courtesy they deserve by ensuring they’ll have a good time hanging out with you.
There will also be cases where someone will say yes to you, only for them to back out at the last minute. When this happens, don’t falter. Don’t worry. Take a raincheck. No matter what happens, giving up should never be an option you’ll consider.
With that, good luck out there. Be sure to follow everything you’ve read above. Never rush this process. It can take time, but it will be very worth it once you’ve made the bonds you’ve wanted to make. If there are any other social skills you want to master before you go out there to ask people to hang out with you, be sure to check the other articles here too.