Why You Avoid People (And What To Do About It)

If you want to get a possible explanation as to why you avoid people, this article will definitely help you out. On top of this, we will also go over the things you can do about this issue.

Having this tendency is incredibly damaging to your social life. Not only that, but it can also affect a lot of aspects in your life as well. For example, you will find it incredibly difficult to become more successful professionally if you’re someone who always avoids people.

That said, it will do you well to learn more about this issue so you can finally do something about it.

There are a handful of possible reasons why you avoid people. The things listed below are the most probable and the most common among those who have this issue as well. Read on and see which or how many of these you believe apply to you.

You will also find the things you can do to deal with these reasons so that you won’t be compelled to avoid people any longer.


You might be avoiding people because you’re shy and you’re concerned about not knowing the hows and whys of socializing with other people. You may have developed your shyness from having overprotective parents or from certain life experiences. But it’s okay. Here’s what you can do to get started:

  • Acceptance

You can become less shy; first, with acceptance, and second, with practice. Depending on the degree of your shyness, you may also be able to overcome it. Although if it’s not a problem for you, there’s no need for forcing yourself to do so. But accepting your shyness can help you get started on doing something about it.

  • Identify your strengths and explore them

Being shy is being conscious of your possible shortcomings. So what you can do is start focusing on your strengths. Identifying those will help you push it more forward when socializing with other people. Here are a few strengths shy people commonly have:

  • Active listening
  • Respecting boundaries
  • Being empathetic

These are very important social strengths to have to be able to form a meaningful and possibly, a long-lasting friendship. There are many more social strengths you can also develop in time.

  • Take it slow and steady

When navigating social situations and developing your social strengths, it’s best to take it slow and steady. You may find yourself taking a step or two backwards, it’s okay. Take a break and reflect on it, it’s a part of the process. You have to trust the process.

Low Self-Esteem

A Woman Hiding Behind A Wooden Furniture

Your level of self-esteem can affect your social life. Self-esteem is how you see and feel about yourself. With low self-esteem, you become painfully self-conscious and fear that others will judge you; that makes you want to avoid people as much as you’re able to. But avoidance is an unhealthy way of dealing with it. Here’s what you can do to have a healthy self-esteem:

  • Be authentic

It’s easier said than done. Being authentic involves learning about yourself on a much deeper level, that means knowing what matters most to you and living life the way you want it to be. It also means letting go of things and people who put you down, and it can hurt. But it’ll be worth it.

  • Silence your inner critic

Sometimes you can’t help but worry about not being good enough, and that’s okay. You’re not alone in feeling that. But frequently listening to your inner critic will less likely be helpful in improving your self-esteem. Focusing on your positives is a way to fight it. It’s good to remember that people don’t think and worry as much as you do over the criticisms you have of yourself.

  • Embrace your quirks

Everyone has their own quirks as you do. And it’s good because it reminds you that you’re unique and that everyone is different in their own way. No one is ever going to be the same as you. Let your quirks shine!

Social Anxiety

It’s different from shyness and having low self-esteem; it’s more serious. Social anxiety, or also known as Social Phobia, is an intense and chronic fear that a person feels when it comes to socializing. Here are a few signs to know that you may have social anxiety:

  • You find it difficult to make eye contact, to talk with other people despite wanting to.
  • Your body goes stiff while your voice comes out overly soft.
  • You feel an intense fear of being judged negatively every time.

If you think you might have social anxiety, here’s what you can do moving forwards:

  • Seek professional help

You may need to seek therapy for you to help deal with social anxiety. With a professional, they can tailor methods and medications that work best for your unique situation. You may have had life experiences that damaged you, and only a professional can help you figure it out. Self-medication can only go so far, and it can be riskier.

  • Find support groups

With social anxiety, you will need to have a safe space for you to vent, heal, and socialize. Having a support group will help you with these. Not only will you feel safe and comfortable, but you’ll also be reminded that you’re not alone.


Sad Man

Known as a mood disorder, Depression is a serious and common mental health problem that makes you disinterested in a lot of things that you used to be so into. It also causes you to withdraw from the world, which means avoiding socializing for a period of time.

Ceasing communication with your friends and family is a pattern common among people with depression. It’s also considered among the depression traps, which means that if you avoid socializing, you’ll fall deeper into it. Here’s what you can do if you’re dealing with depression:

  • Keep your friends and family closer

Again, social withdrawal is a depression trap. Even when it can be overwhelmingly tempting for you, keep in touch with your loved ones. Having people to reassure you, support you, and be around you is extremely helpful in making your days brighter.

  • Avoid negative thoughts and dark-colored surroundings

It’s common to feel like shutting all colors in your life, to find a quiet and dark place for you to sit in and think and wait and dwell. Or even to doom scroll! So as much as you can, focus on reading inspiring articles, or hanging out in bright-colored places. Do anything that makes you feel better!

  • Seek professional help

You will need therapy to help overcome depression. A professional can help you go through the process of healing and returning to doing the things that you love! They can help you find the best outlet that can also help you on the daily, and especially on the medications that suit you best.

Being Out of the Comfort Zone

It is also possible that the reason why you avoid people all the time is that you consider this to be out of your comfort zone. This is occasionally true, but it can also be a misconception on your part. In fact, it is a fairly common misconception among those who avoid people all the time.

A lot of people believe interacting with other people is outside of their comfort zone. While this has an inkling of truth, more often than not, it is not the fact that they have to face a new person that’s outside of their comfort zone. What it actually is is the idea of entering unknown territory.

Us humans have a tendency of being afraid of things we don’t know much about or things we’re unfamiliar with. Unfortunately, this can be very much true when it comes to socializing. This happens to people who don’t socialize that much. They’ve already categorized socializing as uncharted territory.

Thankfully, there are things you can do about this as well.

  • Force yourself to jump into it

This may sound terrifying, and perhaps it truly is. However, this is the most effective way, if not the only way for you to overcome this hurdle. Force yourself to jump into it and keep in mind that it’s not that bad to socialize.

Remove any negative notions you’ve once had about it. Force yourself to believe that socializing can be and is a very beautiful experience. You should look at this from an optimistic point of view. After all, socializing is your gateway to forming new, wonderful friendships.

You Hate Making Small Talk

Man Talking With Distraught Woman

It’s also possible that the reason why you avoid socializing is that you hate making small talk. A lot of people share this sentiment, so it’s more than acceptable that you feel this as well.

However, a lot of people hate making small talk because it’s always associated with something negative. A lot of people see small talk as something people do when they have nothing interesting to say. It’s also widely believed that small talk is something people use to get out of conversations.

While this is most certainly true for a lot of people, what many don’t realize is the fact that making small talk is a conversational tool that’s highly effective when used right.

To that end, if you want to be able to stop avoiding people, you’ll have to embrace the idea of making small talk.

This topic is massive and deserves its own article. Which is why we made one just for it. Learn more about this conversation technique by reading our article on how to make small talk. It’s an interesting read and it will help you how to use this tool instead of making it a reason for avoiding people.

You’re Picky With Who You Befriend

It is also entirely possible that you avoid people because you tend to be picky with who you befriend. You like to keep your circle small and close and you’re always wary when someone tries to get close to you.

This can be attributed to a lot of things. One possible reason for this is introversion.

If you’re someone who’s an introvert, then it’s highly possible that this is a reality for you. A lot of introverts do tend to be picky with who they befriend. This doesn’t mean they’re anti-social in any way, it simply means they want to keep a small company so that they can tend to each of them better.

Introverts also tend to have a shorter social battery compared to extroverts. Considering this, they keep their circles small because they simply can’t deal with having multiple interactions with multiple people. There’s nothing wrong with this either.

Another possible reason for this is deep-seated trust issues. You may be picky with who you befriend because you’ve had a painful falling out with one in the past.

Whatever the case is for you, here’s a simple-sounding solution for you, one that may be hard to practice but is highly effective when properly done.

Don’t avoid people, but always be watchful of them. Stop closing your door to everyone else. Remain open, keep an open mind, and allow others into your life. However, be careful and mindful. Know which people are highly likely to be good friends with you, and know which of them won’t be.

Poor Social Skills

Poor social skills is one of the most common reasons why you avoid people. It could be that your social ineptitude is prohibiting you from getting close with other people. So much so, in fact, that you’ve almost feared the idea. Because of this, you now avoid people because you simply don’t know what to do when faced with a stranger.

The simple for this is to be the complete opposite of social ineptitude. Be socially adept. Does this sound easier said than done? Maybe. But is it doable? Most definitely.

Having said that, start working on ways to improve your social skills from now on. Read up on the other articles we have on this site. Study, research, practice, and finally, apply.

This process will definitely take a while. A lot of people have dedicated years in order to become the social butterflies that they are now. Don’t worry, though. I’ve spent all of those years learning so that I can teach them to you, so you won’t have to spend years learning on your own.

Once again, study. Read the other articles here. Better yet, read my book. Eventually, you’ll have what it takes to be socially adept. If social ineptitude is truly the reason why you avoid people, then improving your social skills is truly the solution for you.

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