Have you ever had friends who never call you, and it feels like you do all the work? Did you also have friends who never call you back even when you try and make an effort to reach out?
Have you had friends who make plans and invite people to fun activities, but you somehow get excluded from the invite list?
In this article, let’s tackle this issue by understanding why it happens. You’ll understand why people somehow “leave you out” and what you can do about it. You’ll also learn what to do to build a social life with people who actually care.
It boils down to a simple choice: whether you are Individual-Focused, or Group-Focused.
This is what I call having “Group Edge”. Basically, you should build or join cliques or groups of friends. And NOT just get friends that don’t know each other. I’ll expand upon this idea in a second, but for now, we need to discuss why people seem to forget you when making plans.
Why Would People “Forget” To Call You When Making Plans?
When people are making plans for fun, their attention goes to a certain direction. In fact, it can go to so many different directions, but those paths will still not reach you.
They think of stuff like: attractive people, fun activities, important people, big or exclusive parties, large groups of different people, easy and fun travels, interesting events… etc. Their mind will wander off, thinking of so many other things. Sometimes, the thought of you won’t be able to slip through the cracks.
If YOU are or can provide some stuff they’re very happy with, they can think of you easily when they wanna have fun and socialize. If instead, you’re a regular person, like me, they won’t think of you and kind of forget to call you.
But there is a way to overcome this
You will have to start small, as I did. The key is to stop making individual friends that don’t know each other. You can make individual friends but you can’t expect calls and invitations to fun plans from them.
You need to make the people that you know (or barely know) MEET EACH OTHER.
Here are two examples :
- Say you know two guys that you like hanging out with and you introduce them to each other. If they hit it off and get along, you’re NOW a GROUP of THREE. And a group of three people has more CHANCES of creating FUN and MEMORABLE experiences than just two guys that know each other.
Having four people is better and beyond… especially if it’s a mixed group. If you start to make introductions between people, they will start to call YOU to make plans. Because they know that they have more chances of having fun WITH you. You become valuable. This sort of stuff works unconsciously.
- Another example: Say you know a cool guy, you met him a few times but you’re not going out with him. One day, you talking on Facebook and he says that he’s going to his buddy’s house. Then he says “why don’t you come to chill out with us?”. You accept and go there. When you arrive, you find a whole group of guys and girls and they’re all friendly and chill.
If you hit it off, talk to many of them and they like you, that’s VERY valuable. You need to actually “join” the group and become a “member”. You’re pretty much guaranteed to have great social experiences after that.
If you have access to a group of cool friends, who wouldn’t wanna be your friend?
Because these people will eventually create many occasions for private parties, trips, low-key chill-out times. And now you can enjoy that with them if you become a member of the group.
Friends Who Don’t Call Can Suddenly Become Eager To Hang Out
If you’d like to know the real reasons why so many potential friends, who never seem to have time to hang out, suddenly become available…
And you’d like to make it obvious to them that hanging out with you is much more fun and interesting than staying home or hanging out with others, then you need to check this out:
Subtle Social Skills
Now, I’d like to know what you believe about friendship and social skills.
There are really only two ways as I see it:
You either believe that you’re basically given a certain “luck” with friends, and that you’ve either got it or you don’t when it comes to friendship and social life.
Or…
You believe that it takes a certain set of “skills” to meet great people and build friendships with them, and that, as an intellectually and emotionally smart person, you can improve your own set of “skills.”
Here’s the thing…
If any part of you is still holding on to the idea that you have bad luck, and that you have been and are destined to be alone, then I have to be honest — all this really isn’t for you. I don’t want you to waste your time or energy here. You’re not really ready to make a change in your life because you still don’t accept the simple fact that it is YOU and only you who holds the power to change things.
But if you believe that friendship and a really amazing social life, like most other things in life, are created by the intersection of you being equipped with the right skills and social life habits and the right people — then keep reading.
How to have a great social life, and have friends who contact you regularly
For most interesting people, hanging out and socializing isn’t just a matter of agreeing to random suggestions and plans they get from you or others.
It takes more than that to get them to go “out of their way” to meet up with you and socialize. They already have their weekly habits and social-life habits set up, and it’s not so easy to get them to meet someone new (yourself). Unless you know how to do it properly. For you to get them to actually make time to get out of their habits, routines, and other things that occupy them, you’ll need to know exactly what to do. You’ll need to spark their interest and let them know it’s going to be worth their while.
They would love to get to know some new people, discover new places, discuss new subjects, and discover new ways of seeing things. You need to kind of lead them into it, though. You need to be the active hand that directs them towards the kind of socializing that you want to happen.
See… some people have an actual SKILL that they use intuitively, which makes others GET EXCITED and ALWAYS BE OPEN to socializing with them.
Understanding others is key
See, when you’re trying to build a social circle and have great friends that you meet regularly, you can’t be only concerned with your own situation. You have to also be aware of theirs.
When you meet new people you’d like to include in your social life, please know that they already have their own…
- Recurring habits that they follow on a daily basis
- Specific times where they’re just too busy to hang out and other times dedicated to actually hanging out and socializing
- Lots of work to do and goals they’re trying to achieve personally (just like you)…
With such a situation, they intuitively try and hang out with people with whom they THINK they’ll have the most fun and enjoyment. They treat these interactions carefully and make sure they’re efficient with their social life. They make sure then when they do actually go out for the sake of their social lives, it has to be fun and worth it.
That’s why they’re more likely to hang out with you if you’re suggesting to hangout within A GROUP, instead of one-on-one.
This is especially the case if they’re JUST getting to know you. They don’t know whether or not you’re interesting person, fun, and of good company.
Primarily at first, they prefer to hang out with you if you also include other people in your plans.
It’s understandable: they don’t want to feel that pressure of one-on-one conversation with someone they barely know. It can become awkward or you both might run out of things to say, and things won’t go as fun as you want it to be. If you’re within a group, however, that pressure is alleviated. There are more people to speak with, a lot more people to interact with, and it’s generally more fun. If you invite someone along with a group instead of a one-on-one interaction, you’re making it EASIER for them to show up.
Your Social Skills Have To Be Ready
It takes time to get people to get out of the house, hang out with you and others you know. It will take a while for them to get to know you. You will have to meet each other another time, or a couple of times until finally, you both become good friends.
Along those many steps, your social skills have to be ready so you’re SUCCESSFUL each step of the way. You have to treat this like some kind of intricate process where every step you take should matter. You have to make sure that you’re doing something correct so that the friendship that you’re building towards will be successful.
That’s what guarantees that there are no roadblocks preventing you from building the great social life you want. If you become so much better at handling your social skills, you’ll be able to create new connections and friendships.
Some people start hanging out with new people… then it all goes away and nobody wants to see them anymore. What’s more, they don’t even know why. Friendships just come and go without them knowing. Well, the only friendships that disappear that fast are ones who weren’t really stable in the first place. If you want to avoid being in a friendship that just disappears as if it was nothing, you need to make sure you create valuable connections. You need to do it properly. Your social skills will make sure of that.
When you know what it takes to go from “hi…” to “we’ve been friends for years!”, you can be sure that when you meet those unique individuals you want to have in your life, you’ll be ready. You’ll be able to make connections. You’ll never have friends who forget about you when they plan something fun.
This will all boil down to one single important factor — it’s all about the social skills you have and how you use them.
Improve Your Social Skills And You’ll Avoid Friends Who Don’t Call
Do you believe that your social skills need a little more improving? Do you value the importance of friendships and social skills? If your answer to both are yes, then good! You’re on the right track! If you want to stop having friends who always seem to forget about you when they’re making plans, then you need to start making better connections.
The best way to make sure that that happens… is to improve your social skills.
In my Advanced Social Skills Training, I focus on giving you the subtle social skills that work like a charm. The skills that take you from hesitation in a social situation, to building your first social circle, all the way to KEEPING those friends for the long haul. You’ll go from experiencing social anxieties to having full social confidence.
I recommend you check it out, subscribe, and listen carefully to each monthly session, and be sure to apply what you learn (exercises and step-by-step guides inside) so you can get the most results. Your first lesson is your first step towards having a better social life and ensuring that the connections you’ll make are valuable. Study well and have fun with it. It will take a while and it will need patience, but good things require time and effort to fulfill.
Best of luck.
– Paul Sanders