Welcome to edition #14 of our news series, where we share with you the latest resources we’ve found on social skills, making friends, and more. In this edition, we’ll discover how much harder it is to make friends as an adult than to find dates, and how to get anyone to open up to you about anything. Don’t forget to subscribe to the newsletter so you don’t miss any future editions!
Making Friends as an Adult… It’s Actually Harder Than Dating!
What happens when you meet someone and your absolute goal is to get in the friend zone? Let me explain… the writer of this article decided she wanted to expand her social circle and meet new friends as an adult. This has proven to be much harder than dating! As children, we basically became friends with anyone playing near us. As an adult, there is much more “selling” of yourself and determining how much common ground there is in likes and dislikes to maintain a steady conversation.
As the author walks us through her “friend date,” we discover all the social anxiety and stress involved in finding a new friend, maintaining interest, follow up “rules” and deciding just where on the friendship scale that person will be, should you both hit it off. She also offers suggestions on where to go looking for potential friends now that there’s no sandbox to play in 🙂
Paul Sanders commentary:
I’ve written before about why it’s hard to make friends these days. This is exactly why we all need some guidance. As an adult, there is nothing in your environment that propels you (or… incentivizes you) to build your social life. Everything in your environment is either pushing you towards work, or in-home entertainment.
That, and the people on Facebook who are advertising their -apparently- perfect lives. Which doesn’t help.
This is exactly why I wrote my book, and launched the advanced social skills training. It’s because we needed a system, a guide. We needed exact steps to get us from not having friends and feeling isolated, to a place where we have the friends, the fun, the entertainment, the support, the friendly love, and the adventure that comes with a great social life.
Can You Get Anyone to Open Up to You About Virtually Anything? Yes! Here’s How…
Basic nosiness is human nature, or there wouldn’t be so many successful reality shows. This article in Psychology Today explains that getting someone to truly talk to you not only helps foster friendships and relationships, but also can provide useful information you may not have previously had and help you cope with your own problems. The article warns, however, that it’s always best to keep the balance slightly tipped toward getting the other person to disclose more than you, at least in the beginning.
So how do you get someone to open up to you? For one, pay attention to details when they introduce themselves, and then establish a point of contact from there. Maybe you both have a common friend or came from the same hometown. Use that information to continue the conversation. Ask questions without being intrusive, and know when to back off. Refining the art of listening, rather than waiting for your turn to speak, goes a long way these days.
Paul Sanders commentary:
If you want to make new friends, make sure you follow the steps which lead to friendship. One of the early steps is making conversations interesting, and capturing the attention of the other person. You can make people open up if you know how to make the right kind of small talk. Your small talk should achieve the following goals:
- It needs to “hook” the conversation, make them feel that you have things that you relate on
- Make them feel interesting and unique, which makes them want to ignore everyone else and talk to you
- All that while sharing stuff about yourself, so the whole thing doesn’t feel like an interview
- Find and point out commonalities that come up as both of you talk
- Crack jokes whenever you feel like it.
Socializing is supposed to be fun.
Remember, socializing is supposed to be fun. Please don’t feel like you have to “perform” when you’re out meeting people. Learn the skills, practice them when you’re with people. But ultimately integrate them so they’re part of you.
That’s my goal for you. I want to make you a natural. 🙂
Take good care.
– Paul