“Why do I get the feeling that people don’t like me?” This is probably a question you’ve asked yourself many times. Let’s cover this topic in this article.
That “people don’t like me” feeling can be pretty awful, especially if you’re doing your best to socialize. Sometimes you just feel like you aren’t well-liked enough no matter how hard you try, or how hard you want it.
If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone in thinking this specific feeling. In fact, it’s one of the most searched google queries out there. A lot of people feel like people don’t like them, apparently. If you can relate to this, then continue reading. In this article, we’re going to discuss why people might not like you. Is it a reality? Or is it just all in your head?
Why You Might Think People Don’t Like You
People not liking other people is no surprising fact. It’s just a mere truth that no one can please everyone. However, you can also consider the fact that you’re being to hard on yourself. There’s a possibility that people don’t actually dislike you as you think they do.
You need to consider this possibility because this is a common occurrence for people, for many different reasons. It may just be all in your head. Let’s list down a couple of reasons why you might think people don’t like you.
You’re reading too much into it
There’s a very high possibility that when you think “people don’t like me”, it’s all just in your head.
If you have the tendency to overthink things, this may just be one of those things that you read too much. Maybe someone you know did something that may hint to them disliking you, but they really just mean nothing by it. In your head, however, that’s already an indication that they don’t like you.
Before you assuming people don’t like you, first assess the reason behind it or if your logic is sound. Did anything happen that can make them not like you? Did you do something? Or are you just overthinking this?
You’re expecting too much from other people
Another reason why you might think people don’t like you is simply because you expect too much of them. You expect good treatment from the people you meet, and when they don’t meet your criteria, it makes you think they don’t like you.
It’s okay to expect good things from people, but there’s such thing as too much. Make sure you keep your expectations in check. Not everyone may be able to treat other people with kindness, smiles, and warmth.
Maybe they just had a bad day, or are going through a problem during that situation. Maybe the reason why they weren’t so upbeat when you interacted with them is because of something they’re personally dealing with. It won’t always be about you and that’s a good thing. We all have our own baggage to carry.
You haven’t earned the like that you want and deserve yet
There’s also a chance that you’re expecting to be liked a little bit too early. You have to know that this is something you’ll need to earn from other people too. They will like and respect you if they believe you deserve to be liked and respected.
Make sure you cover all grounds first. If other people don’t know you that well enough, maybe they still don’t have much reason to like you. Get to know them first. Or rather, let them get to know you. Highlight to them your positive attributes. Let them know of your capacity for good.
You’re used to people disliking you
Getting used to the idea of people not liking you is an awful thing, but it could be a reason why this is something you believe a lot today. If you grew up with the loneliness of always thinking “people don’t like me”, you’ll tend to do it more constantly as an adult.
The thing you need to know here is that history won’t always repeat itself. Not every time. If things happened to you before, they won’t necessarily happen again today. You’re not the person you were years ago anymore so people’s perception of you can change. You need to see yourself differently as well. Give yourself a chance to be liked by others. Believe that you can be liked by others.
It’s all in your head
Sometimes, you have to consider facts and logic and not allow irrational thoughts get to you. You may be seeing things too personally when they shouldn’t be. This is not a rare circumstance either. Many people believe people don’t like them, actually believe it, simply because they think so. Something in their head is telling them people don’t like them. And they believe it.
Before you make the assumption that people don’t like you, present yourself with every single fact first. Reasons, motivations, circumstances, etc. You should at least figure out why before you jump to the actual conclusion. You’ll be able to rest easier, regardless if people actually like you or not, knowing the actual truth aside from just listening to unwarranted thoughts in your head.
How To Know If People ACTUALLY Don’t Like You
Now that you know the reasons why you might believe people don’t like you, now it’s time for you to face the reality. You now need to know how you can find out if people ACTUALLY don’t like you.
You can start by simply investigating. Do people really don’t want to be friends with you or is it in your head? Gather first-hand, personal assessment. With this, you’ll be able to know how much of it is just your perception and how much is it the reality.
Just so you know, it’s never 100% one way or the other. Some of it is just perception, and some of it is real, so figure that out exactly. Consider this as an experiment. You’re gathering data to test your hypothesis.
Find proof that people don’t dislike you all the time, in 100% of social situations, write down a list of places, situations, and memories when people did like your company, or at least didn’t show any sign of disapproval.
Start talking to people
The best way you can investigate this is to overcome your shyness and actually talk to people. This is the actual source for your first-hand personal assessment. Talk with people, both people you know and strangers, and see how they react towards you. Do they seem hostile? Are they comfortable? Do they rather not speak with you at all?
Be sure to also check the positive side of things when it comes to this. You can figure out which people seem like they really dislike you, and you can also figure out which of those people do like you. For the sake of your mental health, find a proper balance.
You hear negative rumors about yourself
Hearing negative rumors about themselves can cause anyone at least a glimmer of loneliness, but this is something you’ll have to watch out for. If you hear negative rumors about yourself, then you’ll know for a fact that someone fanned that flame to create smoke. Negative rumors most likely come from people who think they know you but they don’t. They lack enough information about you and just spreads rumors based on the little information that they have.
They start a rumor, whether unintentionally or otherwise, because they have something negative to say about you. Meaning, they don’t like you. This is a conclusion you can reach that’s at least warranted. You know for a fact they don’t like you. At least now, you know what to do moving forward aside from questioning yourself if your thinking is just your perception or if its reality.
You notice them “stay away”
Every once in a while, you’ll notice some people “stay away” from you. Now, this can be a tricky thing to pay attention to. Sometimes people will seem like they’re staying away but they’re really just going about their day not paying mind to anything else.
You need to make sure that you’re not wrong about this as you investigate if people like you or not. The way to do this is to make sure your approach is seen and recognized. If they stay away the moment they realize you’re approaching them, then it could mean that your assumptions are true. If a person likes you, or just doesn’t care, they won’t make the effort of leaving. They’ll either welcome your approach or just allow it to happen.
You don’t fit in
There are two reasons why you won’t fit in with a particular group of people. One, they don’t know you well enough. It just makes sense that when a group of people don’t know you enough to be that comfortable with you, you just can’t seem to fit in with them. Maybe your interests and theirs don’t align, they don’t know your story that well, or they just don’t consider you a friend yet.
Or, it could also mean they don’t like you enough.
It’s an awful thing, but it can happen to anyone. The reasons for this could still be similar to the previous point. They don’t know you enough or your interests don’t align with theirs. This isn’t always personal so don’t always take it as such.
What To Do About It
If you hate this “people don’t like me” feeling, that’s understandable. It can be a very odd, uncomfortable thing to carry. Don’t worry. There are things you can do to handle this. If you want to be more friendly and prove to people that their dislike towards you can be changed, there are ways you can do so.
Just make sure you do this out of good intentions. The reason why you should prove to people that you can be liked is because you know you’re a good person. You do this because you want to befriend people. This is a good way to expand your social circle, improve your social skills, and be more friendly.
With that said, let’s discuss what you can do when you have that “people don’t like me” feeling.
Know what you’re doing wrong
First of all, you need to understand the very reason why some people don’t like you in the first place. Self evaluate. Are there things you do that may seem annoying for some people? Do you accidentally offend people around you because of things you do and/or say?
Start from within. Think hard on this. If some people don’t like you, there has to be a reason for that. If you’re able to pinpoint that, then you can start working your way up from there. You may even discover a thing or two about yourself, things you did unconsciously.
Overall, this is a good exercise for your personal growth. Sure, you’re doing it to make sure you don’t get that “people don’t like me” feeling anymore, but it’s also an amazing way to grow as a person. We all have our own flaws. For some, theirs are worse than others. If you can pinpoint yours, that’s a good thing because you effectively make yourself better as a person.
Be mindful of your surroundings
Once you’re actually out surrounded by other people, you need to start paying attention to your surroundings. Be aware of where you are, the kind of people that are in that place, who you’re with, who they’re with, etc. If you can mind your surroundings properly, you’re able to act accordingly.
This is a good way of making sure you don’t accidentally do something wrong. Sometimes, it’s just a thing we do. We do or say something that ends up offending or hurting someone. However, if you pay extra mind to your surroundings, to everyone around you, you greatly lessen the chances of this happening.
Be more empathetic
Empathy is your most effective and most powerful tool in the world of socializing. Using your empathy means you can step into the shoes of anyone. Understand things the way they do, understand how they feel from their perspective.
Doing this properly makes people know you care. Empathy can be a tool that can comfort people really well. You can somehow figure out if something’s bothering them, you can stop talking about certain things if it looks like it’s a sensitive topic for them, so on and so forth.
Aside from just being a good tool to stop having people dislike you, it’s also just a good way to connect with others.
Learn the proper step-by-step process of making friends
Never rush into the process of making friends. Some friendships take long to flourish. If you jump into it right away, you might intimidate, or even annoy the other person. That’s recipe for disaster.
Make sure you respect this process and the person you want to befriend by taking it slowly. Move one step at a time and move to the pace of the other person. Get to know each other slowly, but surely. Hang out with each other every once in a while. You’ll have moments of deep and personal conversations, you’ll share laughs, and you’ll enjoy each other’s companies. Before you know it, you’ll be good friends.
No matter who you try to befriend, make sure you do it properly. This is a good way of making sure you aren’t being overbearing, thus causing some people to not like you.
Learn how to communicate properly
Communication is an essential aspect if you want to connect with people better. This is a personal way of letting them know they can like you, not just dislike you outright without getting to know you first.
Talk to people. Tell them your story. Touch them with your experience and make them laugh with your jokes. On top of that, allow them to speak as well and listen when they do. Your ability to listen is just as important as your ability to speak. Communication is a two-way street. Make sure you nourish both sides.
Take time to master the art of conversation. You will have to cover a lot of grounds such as small talk, personal and deep conversations, exchanges, etc. All of these are important and it will take time and practice, so just be patient and think of your end goal.
Do you give off an “arrogant” vibe?
Do you come off as arrogant sometimes? Is it how you talk? How you walk? Is it how you tell your stories?
This may be a minor thing for some, but it can greatly affect how some people see you. While a lot of people appreciate a person’s impressiveness, they also value humility.
Make sure you know how to level yourself too. You can reach for the stars but be sure you can also plant yourself to the ground. Be proud of who you are, what you do, and your dreams, but remain humble and approachable. If you’re arrogant, people will either see you as too intimidating, or they’ll just outright dislike you.
Know which people disliked you and which liked you, and figure out why for both
This is how you can gather information as to what makes people dislike you and what makes people like you. Attempt to get to know those who seem to not like you. It can be scary and it will take guts, but it will be worth it. The best case scenario is that you’ll have the chance to change their mind about you. The worst is you won’t change their mind but you’ll figure out the reason why some people dislike you.
With this, you’re able to work on your weaknesses and highlight your strengths. This is a good strategy for a lot of things, socializing happens to be one of them.
Just keep socializing
Whatever you do, just keep on socializing. Never stop.
Even if sometimes things don’t go your way, if you don’t succeed every time you try, that’s fine. Failures are important as well. Use them as teaching tools. The important thing is you keep on trying.
Talk to as many people as you can. Socialize wherever you can. Make a conscious effort to be more friendly towards other people. Get to know strangers. Whatever it is you need to do to socialize, connect with more people, and be more likable, do it. Never falter.
In the end, it will all be worth it. Someday you’ll realize you don’t even think about the “people don’t like me” feeling anymore, and that’s because it no longer exists. You’ll have socialized so much that it’ll become second nature to you. Even if some people really don’t like you, it won’t bother you anymore. It won’t matter. You’re just happy with the effort you’ll have made. Aim for that.
You should also realize that you can’t please everybody
Finally, you need to realize that it is IMPOSSIBLE to make everybody like you. That’s not just how this works.
Sometimes, you’ll encounter people that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to please them. You won’t be able to make them like you.
For every one person who won’t end up liking you, make sure you’re able to make five who will. Do not focus on those you can’t please, but those you can. Those are the connections you can nourish.
If you’ve done your best but a specific person still won’t like you, then that’s not your problem anymore. Just walk with your head up and move on. You tried. That’s the important thing.
If you want to make people like you, you have to think of the big picture. How do you connect with people? How do you make sure they’re comfortable enough with you? What’s the best way to make people really like you as a person? Your social skills.
It all boils down here. If you have good social skills, everything else will follow. Your conversational skills will improve, you’ll know how to overcome your social anxieties and waves of loneliness, and you’ll be able to make friends anywhere you go. You’ll be liked wherever you go.
This is how you can really deal with that “people don’t like me” feeling.
If you want this to happen to you, give my eBook a read. Study it well, enjoy, and good luck!