To come off as desperate in any social situation is a very dangerous impression to make. It is something you want to avoid at all costs if you want to be able to socialize properly and smoothly. If this is a problem you’ve been having since then up until now, you’re going to want to pay attention to this article.
Coming off as desperate can sometimes happen unknowingly. But most of the time, you can come off as desperate because your actions are mirroring your thoughts. A lot of people, especially those who are used to socializing constantly, will be able to see right through this very easily. That said, here’s how you can avoid coming off as desperate when interacting with other people.
Overthinking is one of the most dangerous things you can do if your goal is to not come off as desperate. The more you overthink, the more it will show your words and actions. The people around you, especially those who are particularly socially adept, will be able to see right through this.
While a lot of people are more forgiving and will understand you for overthinking, others will simply see you as aloof and awkward. They’ll see your approach as desperate and you’ll appear as though you’re trying too hard.
With that in mind, stop your habit of overthinking. Whenever there’s something you feel needs to be said, say it. Whenever there’s an action you want to do, do it. For as long as they don’t hurt and offend others, never doubt yourself.
Do your best to remain optimistic
Being optimistic is something that’s easier said than done, but keeping this kind of mindset will help you greatly if you want to not come off as desperate anymore. If you’re someone who’s been somewhat pessimistic their whole life, this is something you need to change right now, for the sake of your mental health and social life.
Believe in the idea that things can indeed go well. Do actions and make plans that will do good things for you. Don’t only be optimistic but actually seek out the good things in life. It’s one thing to be optimistic, and it’s another to make good things happen. Do both of those things.
The more optimistic you can be, the less desperate you’ll come off to other people. In fact, more people will see you as a positive presence and will want to be around you more.
Empathy is highly useful when it comes to socializing. Empathetic people not only can read the emotions of other people but can actually feel them. They then respond and react accordingly to the needs of the other person. If they feel the other person needs to be cheered up, they do exactly that. If they feel the other person just wants to be heard, they do exactly that.
You need to be this kind of person if you want to not come off as desperate. Learn how to be more empathetic. You easily do this by doing one trick that sounds simple but will take some time to get used to. Whenever you listen to another person, when they tell you their stories, experiences, and anything of the like, try picturing yourself in their shoes. Imagine living their stories and experiences. Ask yourself, how would you feel in that situation? You should also practice being an active listener as this will greatly help you become more empathetic.
After you do that, you should then respond and react that fits the way you believe are within their needs. Be this kind of presence to other people and you’ll never have to worry about coming off desperate ever again.
Be mindful of your body language
Your body language can also play a massive part in this endeavor. When you’re desperate to please others so they can see you as an okay social person, your body language will exhibit this. You’ll be more twitchy, your movements will seem very choreographed, and you’ll appear inauthentic in the eyes of others.
If you want to not come off as desperate, you’ll need to relax your body. Take it easy. Exhibit the body language of a confident person. Don’t slouch, don’t cross your arms when talking to somebody, try to mirror someone else’s movements ever so subtly when you’re interacting with them, and always make sure your face isn’t blank. Be confident with showing emotions through your facial muscles.
These are just some of the things you can do to have a more confident body language so you won’t appear desperate in the eyes of others. The most important thing to remember here is to relax. Don’t tense up. Others will be able to see this clearly.
Learn how to be more patient
Patience is a virtue you’ll need to learn so you’ll stop appearing desperate. As with many things in life, making friends can take time. You’ll come off as desperate if you’ll rush this process. Never force a friendship to blossom as fast as you can. Allow it to take its course.
In some wonderful instances, two people can become friends immediately. Some people have chemistry and compatibility that can allow them to forge a bond very quickly. In more common instances, however, it can take time. If this is the case for you, don’t force it to go faster than it should.
Once you’ve met a new person and you feel a friendship between you two is about to happen, don’t force it to go faster by asking them out to lunch, coffee, or dinner every single day. Don’t bombard their phone with messages. Respect their space and privacy. Be patient.
Do favors for other people, but ask them to do favors for you as well
Friendships are a two-way street. If you’re the only one who’s doing the heavy-lifting, that’s not a well-balanced friendship. You’ll also come off as desperate if you do this. That said, as long as it is within your capabilities, do favors for other people. However, you also shouldn’t hesitate to ask them to do favors for you too.
I don’t mean to ask favors simply for the sake of asking favors. What I mean is that you shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for help when you really need it. Don’t feel like you’re being a burden when you yourself have done a lot of things for the other person. Acknowledge the two-way street and make use of it.
Don’t overdo things
You should learn to pace yourself when it comes to other people if you want to stop appearing desperate. When you do things for others or provide them gifts, that’s fine on its own. That’s a good and kind thing to do. However, you should also learn when to stop.
Don’t overdo things for other people. In some cases, they’ll feel entrapped. In other worse cases, they’ll feel horrified. Whatever the case, you’ll come off as a desperate person if you overdo things. Take it easy. It’s okay to do nice things for others, but don’t constantly rain them over with niceties.
This also goes with other things aside from your actions. As I’ve already said, you shouldn’t ask another person to hang out with you on a constant basis. You shouldn’t text or chat with them endlessly. Keep these things in mind too.
Another thing you shouldn’t do too much has something to do with mistakes. If you somehow make a mistake, one way or another, that should be understood. It’s human to make mistakes. That said, apologize properly and leave it at that. Don’t constantly repeat the apology as if the first time you said it wasn’t enough.
Avoid making a big deal out of casual situations
You should stop making a big deal out of casual situations as this can make you look desperate. For example, if you get asked out to a casual hang out, like a lunch or a post-work drink at the local bar, see it as it is. A casual thing. Don’t make a big deal out of it by being too overly joyous or by talking about it as if it was this big thing.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be excited. That’s totally normal. However, you shouldn’t romanticize them either. Find the balance between those two and you should be good to go.
Find common interests
Finding a common interest between you and another person is one of the smoothest and most genuine ways to spark up a friendship. If you can do this with someone, you’ll never come off as desperate since your interaction with them will be centered around that common interest.
You should still keep in mind everything on this list even after you’ve found a common interest with the other person. You should still avoid overdoing things. Don’t make a big deal out of casual situations. This tip will make it easier for you to form a bond with another person so that you won’t have to appear desperate. Still keep in mind everything else here.
Don’t always adjust to their preferences
As mentioned, friendships are a two-way street. You should also apply this principle when it comes to preferences. Don’t allow the other person to be the only setter of time and appointments. It’s good to be easy-going, but you’ll also need to have your own voice for the friendship to be well-balanced. Otherwise, you’ll simply come off as desperate, going along with the decision of the other person at every turn because you want to please them. Mind your own preferences as well.
You shouldn’t fight their preference, of course. You’ll just need to make your own every once in a while. If during one hang out your friend decides to hit the mall, go along with it. The next hang out, however, set the appointment. Decide where you want to go and have them come along with you.
The interval doesn’t need to be precisely back and forth. Just maintain a proper balance. Remember to have your own voice and preference and don’t hesitate to make your voice heard and your preferences known.
Make sure they enjoy your company
One of the best things you can do and keep in mind if you want to not come off as desperate is to make sure anyone who’s with you enjoys being in your company. Make sure that they’re having fun. Make sure you make them heard. Engage with them intently. When in conversation, give them your full and undivided attention.
This is a very broad tip, but it is definitely something that needs to be said. If you make sure others enjoy your company, not only will you not come off desperate, but you’ll make other peoples’ days better. They’ll want to be around you more. You’ll be seen as a positive person rather than a desperate one. Most importantly, you’ll be able to form friendships very authentically.
There’s a fine balance you need to learn here between making sure others have a good time and not coming off desperate. You simply need to ensure that the people around you are having a fine time. Interact with them enough, even make them laugh when you can. However, don’t pamper them too much that it looks like you’re just currying their favor. Walk this balance. Once you’ve kept these things in mind, you should be able to make genuine friendships without ever coming off desperate.
To come off as desperate around other people when socializing with them can completely break any chance you have of befriending people. Make sure you keep in mind all the tips you’ve just read here and apply them next time you’re out and about surrounded by other people.
Remember the balances that I’ve mentioned. The line between being desperate and being a positive presence. As long as you’re able to walk that line, you should be fine moving forward. This can take time, but as long as you’ve learned to be more patient, that shouldn’t be too much trouble. Anything otherwise can reek of desperation and that’s something you don’t want.