Lonely? It’s Not Your Fault, Here Is Why

feeling lonelyIn this article, I want to clarify, whether YOU create your loneliness or get it from somebody else. It’s gonna get tricky, so stay alert with me here 😉

Is Loneliness Your Legacy?

Research of 15+ years proved you inherit your loneliness in three ways. If you acknowledge how this works, you can tweak it in a way to unchain yourself from loneliness. Here you go.

First, How Thick is Your Skin

” People are out to get you “, ” the world out there is dangerous “, ” people will criticize you mercilessly “… these are the kind of thoughts that loneliness puts in Your Head.

That’s what I call the Loneliness Trap.

BUT, how many days (or hours) of isolation does it take for you to “fall” into that trap?

How many days of being on your own does it take, before you start feeling the depression creeping at you.

Well, that’s what you get from your parents. If your parents get in the “lonely-zone” after just a day or two of lack of social interactions, then you’re very probably that way too. If instead, they can reconnect with people fast, even if they spent a a week or two without social interactions, you would be that way too.

Basically, if your parents used to quickly fall in the loneliness-zone, you’ll be like them. If not, then you wouldn’t.

This is an opportunity because, now that we know that the time that it takes to snap out of loneliness is totally arbitrary and just up to you… we can allow ourselves to reach out of loneliness ASAP. There is no need to wait two months or two years before you start to reconnect with people. Do it now.

Second, How Many Friends You Keep Under Your Radar

A bunch of Harvard scientists spent a million dollar to get to know the relationship between your behavior and your parents behavior.

They did all the statistics and found out that : If your parents used to have a lot of friends, you would
If they were just laying around the house by themselves… then you would too.

And even more dangerous, statistics prove that lonely people tend to marry lonely people. So chances are, BOTH your parents aren’t active in the social world and therfore influence you.

How about this : Low self-esteem parents raise low self-esteem children. Self-esteem is “how much you like yourself”. And it means “how worthy of companionship you think you are”. Therfore, if your parents didn’t have self-esteem, you would be more likely to believe that you don’t deserve to be with a lot ot friends. And vice-versa.

This is an opportunity again, because now we know that this stuff  is soooo arbitrary, you just got it from your parents ! It’s not who you are ! I mean, you got your name from your parents, right? But you can go change it tomorrow if you wanted!

So? Just keep your lovely name and change the way you look at yourself. You deserve to be as social as anybody in the world.

Third, How Adventurous You Are

Ever heard of the amygdala ?

The amygdala is the part of your brain that signals “Danger !”. It activates the fear of new people and the fear of new situations.

You inherit from your parents two things : how fast your amygdala is excited and how big it is.

This is important because if you quickly become wary of people, you will socialize less. You would refuse invitations to parties. And you would try to look away when there is a chance of meeting someone new. This results in…. making LESS friends than you want.

And the good news is that your amygdala is dynamic. The more you explore new situations and people, the less your “danger” signal will fire in social situations. So you will feel comfortable more and more around people.

You’ll be like “Oh, hell ! What was I afraid of anyway? This is actually FUN !!”

The opportunity here is to realize that “being able to meet new friends” is just a muscle you need to get moving.

Ok, if it’s Not Your Fault, What The Hell Can You Do About It

Let’s recap :

– The time it takes to snap out of loneliness is up to you

– The number of friends and how social you are is totally up to you

– How you respond to people and to new situations can be changed with practice, again it’s up to you

Now you can go connect with people. It’s up to you. You can start meeting people RIGHT AWAY by following the advice I share with you in my eBook “Get The Friends You Want”. Just go here: Get The Friends You Want Risk Free

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