When you find yourself thinking “I need a friend” or “I need a friend to talk to,” it’s an important moment for your social life.
Even if it may seem that it’s just a typical lonely thought that comes and goes, it’s more than that…
The “I need a friend” moment is a signal that it’s been a while since you’ve felt understood and appreciated. It can also be a signal that you spent too many Friday nights alone, watching tv.
It happens usually if you’ve been too busy to build or keep a social life going. It happens.
But mostly, this is about how you feel – you feel that you need a friend. Be careful because this feeling will fade away and you could forget about, do nothing, and in a few months find yourself exactly where you are – still with no decent social life.
This is why it’s important to take the opportunity and do something about your socialblife ASAP. Or at least commit to it.
Channel the energy into something positive: commit to building a social life.
But when you think “I Need A friend,” there is a challenge
The challenge is that you can’t bring good friends into your overnight. Sure, you can quickly go out, meet new people, stay in touch, and start socializing with them.
But having close friends who “get” you can take a while. Friends that can really make feel “not alone” will require a few trials.
Casual friends are great because they get your social life started. And that’s how you discover the ones you’ll want to keep as friends for a long while.
But there’s always that period from when you need good friends, and when you actually find them. That can be a little intimidating.
This is why I recommend to build socializing habits, not just instant techniques. Social habits keep you going even if you have a busy schedule; and keep you going even when you encounter challenges in your social life.
How Do You Know If A New Friend Can Be “Trusted”?
As I said, as you meet new people, you’ll form new casual friendships. You’ll notice that you can’t be close friends with them right away. And there is a way to get a friendship from casual to close and even “best friends.”
Any of us have been through disappointments with some friends. We think they’re going to be amazing and close friends, and then we realize that they don’t care, they can’t keep secrets, or just don’t understand us at all.
The way to avoid situations like this – without sheltering yourself completely – is to go step by step into trusting new friends. Trust shouldn’t be an on/off thing. Rather, it’s more of a gradual trust. The more you spend time with the person, the more you reveal of yourself, and see if they replicate.
If they’re being open to you as well, as you open up gradually, then they’re more likely to become a close friend. If not, then maybe they already have enough close friends, and are only open to casual ones.
You have to go through it with them, test, and see what happens.
When You Think “I Need A Friend,” It’s No Time To Get Discouraged
We literally feel the pain of loneliness and not feeling understood. We distract ourselves usually and look the other way. But it always comes up again to bite.
When you think to yourself “I Need A Friend,” it’s really no time to be depressed and give up on having a social life. You’re not meant to be alone after all. Instead, just commit to doing whatever it takes to build a social life.
I need a friend to talk to
That’s a sentence you’ve probably told yourself time and time again. Instead of letting this bring you down, use this crave for communication as your motivation.
Your longing for conversation, for a connection with someone else, can lead towards loneliness if you don’t handle it. That’s what loneliness is. A crave for an actual connection.
Use that craving as a motivation. To connect with other people more and to socialize better.
Do you need a friend to talk to? Good. Get out there and use that to drive you. Whenever you say “I need a friend to talk to”, actually go out and talk to someone. Attend a party. Socialize. Have conversations. Do whatever you can to create a connection.
Most important, improve your social skills so you really can connect with others properly.
I’m committed to helping people do just that, through my eBook, Get The Friends You Want and the Advanced Social Skills Training. I hope you’ll join me in these programs and start taking action in areas like: overcoming loneliness, mastering social skills, and building your social circle. Until then, I wish you good luck.
– Paul Sanders