Have you ever got that feeling of “I don’t like people anymore!”? I sure have. It’s when you feel that you’re just fed up with the way people act, the way they think, and how and what they talk about.
While it’s okay to feel that way from time to time, it can sometimes stand in your way of socializing, meeting great people, and making friends. It can stop you from having the social life you want, for months, or even years.
In this article, I want to share with you how to avoid letting that feeling of “I don’t like people!” ruin your chances of having the social life you want.
“I Don’t Like People” Can Be Your Defense Mechanism
Sometimes, when we have that feeling of not liking people anymore, we still secretly know that it’s not a 100% true. But we stick to it anyway.
You may have dealt with disappointment, betrayal, and hurt from people you considered as friends. And that can make you sick of giving people a chance to prove that they’re good and mean well.
Instead of sticking to that conclusion, and avoiding any chance of being betrayed or hurt, there is another way: your social skills.
They also allow you to deal with the negative stuff: spot selfish, and destructive people, so you can avoid trusting them. Your social skills allow you to know who to trust, who to invest in a friendship with, and who to avoid.
Your social skills are your best defense mechanism
Here is a technical description…
Your Social skills allow you to deal with any social situation. If someone wants to hurt you with words, your conversational skills will make them regret that for good. And probably make everyone laugh at them!
I used to fear being teased or made fun of by friends or friends’ friends. But now? I know that if that happens, I can respond so quickly, and so on-point, that I’ll probably get a good laugh out of it, and that it’ll be the last time they try that stuff with me. I also know whether someone is teasing just for fun, or that they’re trying to really ridicule me to look superior. Hint: the latter is extremely rare.
The point is: when you have good social skills, the worst that can happen when socializing is that you’ll get a good laugh or have a good story to tell.
But for someone to get under your skin? To really ridicule or hurt you? That’s extremely rare, and with good social skills, you can deal with it.
Good social skills let you deal with any negativity in the social world.
“I don’t like people” can be a way to “pre-reject” others, before they reject you
Sometimes, we try and assume that we don’t like people in general (or a type of people) in order to avoid any risk of rejection from them.
The problem is that it can make you either more isolated and lonely, or prevent you from hanging out with the kind of friends you actually want in life.
Sometimes, we think that the people we really want to hang out with will reject us… so we secretly decide that we don’t like them anyway!
Again, it comes down to your social and friendship skills. If you know the right way to talk to people, have good conversations, and suggest plans to see them again, then there is pretty much no risk of rejection.
Sometimes we imagine that others will just laugh at us if we suggest things to do… we imagine them mockingly saying “No! I don’t have time!”
If you’ve been reading my stuff, you know that that’s rare and that you can avoid all feelings of rejection, by “asking without asking” others to meet you. There are ways that you can try and hang out with people without being too direct and risking rejection.
There is more to people than their social media profiles
Have you ever spent a few minutes on social media, and then thought “I just can’t deal with people anymore!” or “I just don’t like people!”
Social media doesn’t reveal much about people. Sure, the idiots who don’t care will shout their stupidity loud and clear, for everyone to see.
What about the good, interesting, thoughtful, and open-minded people? Sometimes they’re just too afraid to say anything, as they sense that social media is where backlash, shouting, and trolling happens,… not discussion – not exchanging ideas or interacting in a considerate way.
So what do they do? They post things that cannot possibly offend anyone, and keep their peace of mind. But they do have real discussions in real life – among friends.
There is more to people than what they post online. And if you want proof, imagine someone judging you just by what you post (or don’t post) online. Imagine them making definitive conclusions about you just by what you post. It seems unfair, doesn’t it?
If social media made you fed up with people, then you’re like many interesting people who are longing for good old real-life discussions among friends.
If you feel that you don’t like most people, then you need to socialize even more
Sometimes, most people just make you roll your eyes, then you’re really kind of just like me. And you need to make peace with it, and not take it too seriously!
If you have the social skills to go anywhere and meet anyone, then all the annoying things people do or say become… just funny! They fly by you and don’t affect you at all.
But the right friends, the friends you really want to be hanging out with week-in and week-out,… they’re out there. And the way to meet them is to go through a bunch of folks. Get socializing, and mingling with a few folks before you can find the really good ones.
If you learn how to socialize, and deal with any social situation, you can quickly sort through the people you meet and find the ones you want to keep as friends.
The friends you want ALSO don’t like most people
See, we like to fantasize about how the friends we want are so well adjusted and perfect. We like to imagine that they have a 100% peace of mind, and that they like everyone.
Well,… not really.
The friends you want, are probably sickened by some of things they see. Especially what they see on the news and social media. They probably don’t get along and don’t like everyone they meet. And they’re probably wondering if they’ll ever meet someone they can describe as “That one’s okay, I like him/her!”
Most people don’t get them. They don’t listen. Most people don’t take even a second to make sure they understand what they just said. Most people are too caught up in their own reality (or virtual reality) to be able to appreciate the human being in front of them.
So, quit thinking you’re the only one who feels like an “alien” in society. There are many more aliens just like you… (sorry I meant humans just like you) there are many humans just like you who are dying to find you, be friends with you, so you can all discuss how screwed up society is. I think you’ll have some pretty fun evenings!
“People are stupid!” – People
It’s time to meet people who are more like you
If you want to find those rare individuals you’d like to keep for years, I suggest that you go meet multiple people. I suggest that you have multiple casual friends. Sure not all of them are exactly what you’re looking for; but many of them could be of good company and good fun, and some of them will become your best friends.
You need casual friends, so you can find the close friends you’re looking for. Don’t wait until the exactly-what-you’re-looking-for friends show up. You need to take action now, surround yourself with good people, and find the best of the best among them.
If you need some help starting, I suggest you learn my techniques for overcoming social hesitation, conversation, social skills, making friends, and building a social circle. Go here to learn more.
– Paul Sanders