Having a social life improves our daily endeavors greatly. It allows us to live outside of monotony and routine, and it adds excitement to our lives. If you want to know how to build a social life and make friends, continue reading. This article will teach you what you need to know about making friends and how to get a social life.
People, experts, and curious citizens alike have forever debated the significance of friendship in our overall health. Does having friends make us more healthy, in body and mind? Well, according to multiple studies, it does indeed!
Why You Need An Active Social Life
Having an active social life and having friends around actually does make you healthier. Being more social means you’re exposed to happier emotions. These happy emotions will create a cascade of triggers in your body that boosts your immune system.
Having friends can lead to a more proactive lifestyle. When you have people around you encouraging you to do productive things, you’re more inclined to do so. Friends will be there in your times of grieving. Happy friends are also prone to spread their happiness to others. Their happiness will cause you to be happier as well. And a happier demeanor leads to healthier mental health.
Having friends can lead to a more proactive lifestyle.
Aside from the overall positive impact of being socially active has on our well-being, we also shouldn’t negate the fact that having friends is just fun, plain, and simple. I mean, as people who work for a living, can you imagine your life just working 24/7? Even if you do love your job, you’re in your dream profession, and at the top of your field, should your life be just about that?
No, it shouldn’t. There is so much more to life than career and money. The simpler things in life matter too. Sharing moments of laughter, feeling the warm company of others in times of misfortune, celebrations, friendships. These things matter.
When you build a social life for yourself and have people you call friends, you look forward to the weekends. You look forward to meeting your friends again. The idea of socializing is exciting for you. You feel more alive. You feel better.
Have A More Active Social Life
Your social life shouldn’t be treated as a thing you do on the side, it should be seen as a priority in life. You need to work on your social life the same way you do with your professional career.
When you work hard, you also need to play hard. You work hard to ensure you’ll have an amazing career and be financially stable. This is an important aspect of our lives. Although money isn’t everything in life, it sure does help if you don’t have to worry about it, doesn’t it? It’s also very rewarding to constantly rise in your field. It gives you a feeling of satisfaction. Your hard work paying off.
On the other side of that coin, you also need to play hard to enjoy the other things in life. It feels good to laugh and have fun with friends. It’s good to have people you can share stories and experiences with. Traveling the world and seeing what our planet has to offer is a better experience if it’s done with friends.
We, as humans, are social animals. We crave social interactions. Socializing and Friendship is very important to our lives.
Are you now convinced that you should build a social life? You should be! And if you want to improve that aspect of your life, keep on reading. Below you’ll find ways on how to get a social life the right way.
Take The Time to Say “Yes”
Ask yourself these following these questions:
- Have you ever been asked out by someone, a former acquaintance or an old friend, to go hang out with them a few days after talking?
- Have you ever seen a listing for a social event that’s near you?
- At the end of a workday, has a workmate or colleague asked you and other workmates out for a post-work drink?
- And finally, have you somehow always found a reason to decline to those invites and events?
Somehow, something always “comes up” whenever you’re about to do something social. Whether it’s an errand, an upcoming deadline, or anything. You will somehow find something that restricts you from going out and socializing.
So, you end up saying “no” to socializing.
While this is all very understandable, you have to realize that this is causing your social life some major harm.
You see, along with the “reasons” why you decline social interactions, the more you decline social events, the more your mind will associate social interactions with negative thoughts.
You’ll start thinking things like “Do they need me there?”, “I might just feel left out”, or “It won’t matter much if I don’t go”.
Eventually, you’ll always find an excuse to not attend social gatherings. You’ll even make up your reasons just to avoid being around other people.
Because that will feel “comfortable”.
Don’t allow this to be the case. Take the time to say “yes” to an invitation, one event at a time. If an old friend asks you out, and the schedule falls on a vacant day, don’t hesitate and just say yes. Take the time to socialize.
Blending in
If you’re afraid of social interactions, if you feel like things will go wrong or you’re too awkward to be around other people, there’s one aspect that will help you get over all of that: Blend it.
That is the key to this. If you can blend in smoothly, you can feel comfortable everywhere you go. This is how you avoid feeling “comfortable” isolating yourself.
You can blend in by going with the flow of others or going along the mood of the room. If the atmosphere is positive, go along with that. If everybody is sharing funny stories and laughter is filling the room, share your own stories, and laugh. Be in-sync with everybody and don’t cut the link.
Blending in is something that’ll eventually come naturally to you. You’ll later realize that you’re able to vibe with the atmosphere of the room without even thinking about it. For now, make an effort to do so. You’ll have more fun in every social interaction and you’ll feel welcomed anywhere you go.
Don’t See Shyness As Your Complete Enemy
The complete opposite of shyness is not social freedom, it’s sociopathy. It may sound funny and ridiculous, but it’s true!
Only sociopaths ever don’t feel moments of shyness. And that’s only because they don’t care for the consequences of their actions. That is not what you should strive for. Sometimes it pays to know the consequences of negative actions for you to avoid doing bad things.
Your feeling of shyness is there to stop you from doing anything wrong. It’s a system in your brain that tells you “No, don’t do that. It will lead to this horrible thing and you don’t want that”.
Imagine feeling hungry or thirsty. That’s your body telling you that you need to eat or to drink so your body can have its proper nutrients. See shyness in the same light. Your feelings of shyness are there to set you on the right path.
This is the “good” kind of shyness”
The “bad” kind of shyness is the one that overthinks things. It’s the one that restricts you from socializing. That’s the one you should get rid of.
Once you get rid of your “bad” shyness, then you’ll reach social confidence.
Social confidence is the feeling of freedom whenever you socialize. When you have social confidence, you’ll only feel excitement and joy whenever you’re socializing instead of feeling anxiety and nervousness. That’s what you should strive to achieve.
How to achieve social confidence
You can reach social confidence by learning how to control your shyness. The “bad” kind of shyness that tells you not to do certain things because it will lead to negative things. But with that in mind, how do you differentiate the “bad” kind of shyness from the “good” kind?
The bad kind of shyness is the one that gives your irrational thoughts. That’s the one that goes overboard. For example, you’re about to socialize and before you step into the premises of a party, you take a step back to wonder if you’re wearing the right clothes. You may begin to think you’re overdressed or underdressed. You may think you should go home to change, or you just step into the party but that’s the thought that lingers in your brain all night.
Instead of having fun and socializing, you’re just worried about what you’re wearing. You’re unable to focus on others because you’re too set on yourself.
That’s the bad kind of shyness. It’s irrational and unnecessary. Those are the kinds of thoughts you need to let go of to achieve social confidence.
One of the best ways to let go of those thoughts is to have emotional intelligence. Be extra empathetic. By this, I mean you need to scan the room and read everybody there. Know who’s friends with whom, who is going with whom, and so on. When talking to someone face-to-face, give them your full and undivided attention. Focus on them instead of yourself. This is how you avoid having negative, irrational thoughts. By focusing outwards instead of inwards.
Start Conversations
Just by saying a few words and starting a conversation, you can turn strangers into close friends. You can create a positive image of yourself for others.
You can get a social life just by starting conversations.
This is one of the main things you need to keep in mind if you want to build a social life. You need to be proactive and start conversations yourself.
You need to be able to muster up the courage to go up to other people and spark up a conversation with them.
The “magic words” that you use to start conversations mark the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Make sure you use them well.
There are a lot of ways to start conversations, but make sure they never seem too random. Say something you know the person you’re talking to will be able to relate to.
For example, you can say something about the party you’re in, or your current location, or the atmosphere of the place. You can complement what they’re wearing or how they look. If you overheard them speak before going up to them and you pick up on something interesting that they’ve said, say something about that.
Make sure you give them a strong first impression and your actions let them know that you are interested in having a conversation with them. Start with a smile while facing them directly to show intention. Then, when you do say your name to introduce yourself, extend your hand for a handshake. Always remain friendly and positive throughout all of this.
Remember, the first step to a wonderful friendship is a wonderful conversation.
Master The Art of Conversations
Consider this a continuation of the previous point.
Once you start a conversation, what’s next then? The next step is to make sure that the entire conversation is eventful and memorable.
You need to have conversations that will leave the person you’re talking to thinking “Wow, that person was really interesting” and/or “I loved that conversation we just had”.
How do you do that?
First of all, you don’t need to be the world’s most interesting person to leave that kind of impression. You don’t need to extra successful and you don’t need to have extraordinary experiences to draw people in.
That’s the power of conversations. All you need to have are amazing conversations and amazing conversational skills and people will get drawn to you like ants to sugar.
Before we proceed, there’s one thing you need to realize: There are virtually two kinds of conversations you can have anyone. Small talk, and deep, meaningful talks.
To master the art of conversation, you need to be able to do both AND you need to know how to transition from one to another smoothly.
You need to be able to handle small talk. These kinds of talks are necessary every once in a while. The break the ice and they can be used as transitions or breathers in between heavy talks.
Deep, meaningful talks are where you and the person you’re talking to can get to know each other well.
In both, you need to be a good listener and be empathetic to engage with the other person. Those two are important components if you’re to master the art of conversation.
Be considerate of the person you’re talking to
There are also other things you need to consider such as:
- The atmosphere of the place
- The social dynamics. What kind of person the other person is, what kind of relationship you currently have with them, and what kind of relationship you want to have with them.
- Their pace
Adjust accordingly to the person you’re talking to. If you want to be a good conversationalist, you always need to adapt to their pace. Don’t go too fast if they aren’t and don’t just keep on doing small talk if they want to talk about deep and meaningful things.
At the end of it all, you’re a good conversationalist and people will find you highly interesting IF they find you easy to talk to. That is the description you want to have for yourself. Once you’re easy to talk to, you’ll make friends and get a social life very fast and natural.
Getting The Attention of Others
It feels awful thinking about not getting the attention of others when you’re trying to talk to them. Imagine speaking in front of others. They’re directly in front of you, but you just know they aren’t paying attention to you at all. Their focus lies elsewhere.
That experience sucks, doesn’t it? And it kind of makes you not want to talk to those people anymore, right?
Have you ever felt that way?
Well, if you have the first-hand experience, I don’t have to tell you that this virtually makes you lose interest in the person you’re talking to.
This knowledge is exactly what you need if you want to get the attention of others.
If you want people to pay attention to you, you need to pay attention to them first.
Once someone else feels like you’re giving them your full attention when they’re talking to you, they will automatically pay you the same courtesy when it’s your time to talk.
Here are ways you can do that:
- Whenever someone else is talking, don’t just stand there, waiting for them to finish speaking so you can have your turn. Pay attention. Be sincere about listening to them talk.
- Ask interrogative questions. Ask why, what, who, when, and where. “Why did your friend go to that place, to begin with?”, “What made you want to be an engineer?”, “What do you love most about your home town?”
- If they say something that’s unclear or you don’t quite understand what they’re talking about, ask. Let them expand upon it until you fully understand it. Once you finally do, say something like “Oh I get it” to let them know.
Doing something as simple as paying attention is exactly how you can make others interested in you. Just watch. Once you do these every time someone else talks to you, they will pay attention to you as well once you start talking.
Be Relatable
Once you start making others pay attention to you, you can then take it to the next time and make them like you.
The best way to make others like you more, to make them get excited hanging out with you again is to be relatable to them. If they feel like you and they have a lot in common or are two peas in a pod, they will want to befriend you even more. If you can make everybody feel this way, you’ll have an even active social life.
To do this, share experiences and personal stories that you know the everyday person can relate to. Talk about your dreams and aspirations. Talk about your childhood memories, your home town, the things you love and dislike about your community. Share embarrassing experiences.
Tell people things you know they can relate to. Talk about hobbies that may be common. Make them think “I do that too” or “I love that place as well”. This is a very simple yet effective skill you can use to attract people to you.
Another thing you can do is to try looking for “hook points”.
Hook points are, essentially, things you can use to “hook” another person. It’s something you both do or a place you both frequent.
For example, if you start talking about going to the gym and working out and someone else says “Oh yeah I work out as well”, that’s a hook point.
You found a similar something between you and the other person and you can use that to open the possibility of hanging out again in the future. You can say something like, “Oh, I go to this gym that’s close to hear. You’d love the facilities there”.
By saying something like that, you aren’t exactly asking them to go to your gym with you, you’re just opening up the doors. For them to walk in is completely up to them.
Try looking for hook points. They’re things you can use to “hook” another person. It’s something you both do or a place you both frequent.
Keep Them Interested By Being Interesting
This is a very quick and short tip, but it’s just as bit as necessary as everything you’ll read here.
If you want to keep everybody interested in getting to know you, you have to give them reasons to be interested. This is where your mental powers come in.
No, I’m not talking about a superhero from a comic book, no. I’m talking about your ability to think and speak. Your ability to store information and your capacity to speak them properly.
Take the time to get yourself informed. Study interesting things, be capable in your craft, be knowledgeable. Of course, you don’t have to be the smartest guy in the room to be the most interesting one, but you need to know enough that you can carry interesting carry conversations without stumbling.
Just learn as much as you can about different cultures, significant current events, updates, and new findings in specific fields. Once you stumble upon an interesting article online or if someone you know says something interesting, take the time to pay attention to those.
I’ll repeat, you don’t need to be the most intelligent person to be interesting. Just take the time to not be so ignorant of things. Just have a curious mind and study interesting things as much as you can. Trust me, it will serve you well in your social life too.
Make Sure You Enjoy The Company Of The People Around You
Look, you can be as social as you want, you can have as many friends as you like, but those factors aren’t the ones that are going to make you happy.
Let me be specific, the numbers aren’t the one that’s going to make you happy.
People always say: Prefer quality over quantity. That works in your social life as well.
You can have a hundred friends, but if none of them are really good friends, you won’t feel happy at all. You might even dread socializing.
But if you just have 5 really good friends, then you can have a blast anywhere you go.
Think about it this way. In this world, there are 2 kinds of friendships you can have. Quality friendships and mediocre friendships.
Hanging out with mediocre friends can be fun at first, but you’ll later want to go home and be by yourself instead. Hanging out with quality friends will make time go by in a flash. You had so much fun that you never had to worry about the time at all.
Planning vacations with mediocre friends will seem like a chore. You’re not that interested and you’re only willing to go because you feel obligated and maybe the place you’re visiting is kind of interesting. Going on vacation with quality friends, on the other hand, is as easy as pie. Not only are you excited about the place you’re visiting, but you’re also excited about the experience you’re about to have with your good friends
Choose quality friends over mediocre friends to have a positive social life
You want to have friendships with quality friends, not mediocre ones. After all, the point of improving your social life is so you can improve your life as a whole. You can’t do that if you keep hanging out with mediocre friends.
Make sure you befriend people you can connect with on an emotional level. Make sure you understand one another and you vibe on a deeper estate. Don’t just go around befriending people just because they listen to you or anything.
Just remember, a few quality friends are a million times better than many mediocre friends. Aim for quality, not quantity.
Turn Strangers and Acquaintances To Friends
Once you meet people at a party or go out with acquaintances, it takes a certain process for your relationship to blossom from strangers to friends. As someone who’s trying to have a more active social life, you need to be proactive in making sure this process goes smoothly.
For you to turn strangers and acquaintances to friends, you just need to follow everything you’ve read so far.
- You need to make sure you take the time to socialize
- You need to spark up conversations
- Pay attention to them to get them to pay attention to you
- You need to make sure you can relate to one another.
Once you’ve done all of that, you need to make sure you both can hang out again and make sure those hangouts are as fun, if not more, as the first time you met.
You need to find a place where you know you both will like. Find a comfortable place, a place where you can have fun and be active but also not too loud that you can have proper conversations.
Then, you need to reach out to the person you’re trying to befriend. Don’t wait for them to contact you first. You need to know that some people can’t just go around contacting people they meet at clubs. It’s not because they don’t care or they didn’t like your company, it’s just that they have too much on their plate. Be proactive and take the initiative. Contact them a few days after your meeting, but make sure you aren’t waiting too long.
Make sure you adjust to their time frame. Be considerate of their schedule. Once you do hang out, as mentioned, make sure it’s as fun as before.
At a normal pace, it takes about at least 2 to 3 hangouts before two people can be considered friends. But of course, you can befriend someone even after just meeting for the first time, so long as you both hit it off. Nonetheless, take the time to hang out with them again.
Keep The Friends You Make
This is the most important part of all of this. Once you do make friends, quality ones, make sure you don’t put it all to waste. Keep the friends you make. Treasure them. As I’ve mentioned earlier, you need to treat your social life like you would your professional life. If you manage to get a promotion, you don’t put that to waste and start neglecting your work, right? In the same manner, don’t waste your friends after putting all that effort to befriend them.
Treasure your friends. Create your social circle. If you have a friend you feel like can get along with another friend, introduce them to one another. Be the mediator for that. Conversely, if you have a friend who wants to introduce you to another friend, embrace that opportunity. Get to know that other friend. You can either create your social group or get introduced and join another. Both of them are just as precious if you want to build a social life.
Once you finally achieve the social life that you’ve always wanted, once you’re finally happy with that aspect of your life, treasure it and treat it like it’s one of the most important things you have. Because it is.
Get The Friends You Want and Have An Active Social Life
If you want to learn more about improving your social skills so you can have a positive impact on your social life, give my eBook a read. This will help you as you get out there to make friends, overcome your shyness, make conversations, and more. Do this and use everything you learned from this article and the eBook to get the friends you want and get a social life you deserve.