Social Skills and Making Friends News – Edition #6
Welcome to edition #6 of our news series, where we share with you the latest resources we’ve found on social skills, making friends, and more. In this edition, we’ll talk about how even artists and other creative types struggle with making friends and also delve into some science-backed lessons on how to make friends fast. Don’t forget to subscribe to the newsletter so you don’t miss any future editions!
Even Artists Struggle with Friendship
In this captivating article from the Des Moines Register, co-founders of the Girl Gang talk about how they struggled to make and keep local friends and how their organization supports arts-focused women in the Des Moines area. By putting on local art shows, workshops and charity fundraisers they are attempting to normalize women’s place in the arts community and make some lasting friendships along the way!
Even artists can feel isolated!
You would think that artists who are going to be meeting loads and loads of people, and really exposes themselves to the real world, be “worldly” people. You’d expect that all the struggles of having a social life, and relating to people would be behind them… but you’d be wrong. 🙂
As I often say, and I mention this in the Get The Friends You Want eBook, you’d be really surprised to find the most interesting people, still have issues with finding the right friends and creating the companionship that we all want in our lives.
This is why I say that you bring a lot of value, just by trying to make friends; many people are just stuck and would love to have someone who could suggest things to do, introduce them to others, and be their friend.
Don’t you ever think that you’re the only one doesn’t have friends… even if it seems that way when you walk by the coffee shop or the bar and see people in crowds. There are still great people out there who would love to have you as a friend!
Can You Make Friends Faster Using Science?
In this interesting NY Magazine article, we learn about several science-backed techniques to make friends faster, especially while traveling in a strange city. Are they effective and practical? Read on to see…
This is a very unique take on bonding faster. I’m skeptical, though, about the techniques the author shares here. They’re interesting… but on an intellectual level I have my doubts about how practical they are.
Let’s break it down…
Running Litmus Tests on people to know who you’re dealing with
This is a great idea; I recommend it all the time. But the specific way the author is recommending is just impractical: you’re not going to ask a person you just met, “How much does the average employee steal from a cash register in a year?” That’s just not going to happen, it’s a flat-out weird question. You’re also not going to ask them to “Draw an E on their forehead.” Are you?
BUT… you could create small talk like I often recommend and get a sense of who you’re dealing with as they are sharing their thoughts with you.
And, by the way, forget about knowing if someone is honest the first time you meet. That takes time to verify, and con artists are adept at showing you an honest face. So, don’t invest too much on people you’re just getting to know – that way you have nothing to lose, and nothing to regret.
The Ben Franklin Effect
Again, this sounds great in theory, but you have to be careful. There are a lot of people out there that are takers. And many people are looking for givers. You do want to be a giver, and you do want to show it… but do it without being a sucker. Is that clear? 🙂
When I meet people the first couple of times, I clearly show that I’m out for a good time. I show my personality and prove that I’m of good company. But, I never show that I’ll “need” something from the other person. They have to deserve it. And I have to deserve their trust before we take the relationship into “helping each other” phase. That’s how you preserve your individuality.
After a month or two of knowing the person, you can go ahead and ask for favors, as well as comfortably return them.
Find your shared background
By now, this is probably obvious to you if you’ve read my Book, Get The Friends You Want. In it, I show you how to make small talk in a way that reveals if they’re the right person for you. And we also go further by showing you how to find things in common that lead to them asking for your contact details to meet you later.
Use the Misattribution of Arousal
This is what I tell people all the time: if you’re inviting people on a one-on-one basis to do nothing but talk, that might work with friends you’ve known for a while. If you’re getting to know new people, it helps to have other like-minded people to join you. Focusing on one-on-one friendships (instead of groups or mini-groups) is the main reason people seem to never call you to do anything.
All in all, this was an interesting read, and a reminder on how psychology affects how people perceive you in real life. In my writing I try to focus on all the psychological effects that influence friendship and social life.
I focus on bringing you the right psychological techniques that are moral and legitimate. And I try to show you the shortest road to developing friendships, even if you have no clue how to get started.
– Paul Sanders