Do you ever get the feeling that you just don’t fit in anywhere, regardless of which group you are with? You’ve been surrounded by multiple groups throughout the years, but you just can’t find or feel a sense of belonging. You always feel left out no matter how hard you try. This ordeal can be very tiring and discouraging. It is damaging to your social health and mental health and might cause you to steer away from socializing altogether.
Thankfully, like a lot of problems involving socializing, there are a lot of things you can do to fix this issue. If you don’t fit in anywhere, then it’s in your best interest to solve this problem as soon as possible.
Why It Can Be Hard to Fit In
There are many reasons why certain people find it difficult to fit in no matter where they go. Here are some of the most common reasons for them.
They try to be someone they’re not
One of the most common mistakes certain people make in social situations is that they try to become someone they’re not. Either they surround themselves with people who are so apart from them or they admire individuals with different lifestyles that they absorb those characteristics even though it’s really not who they are.
Because of this, they always appear inauthentic. A lot of people are capable of seeing inauthentic individuals. They’ll then be very guarded when it comes to that person. This is why these individuals find it so hard to fit in. Because the people around them know they’re being inauthentic and find it hard to trust them.
They’re too shy or too awkward
Shyness and awkwardness are two different things, but they can sometimes overlap and cause the other when it comes to social situations. While being shy and being awkward isn’t very problematic and can easily be solved, it’s definitely one of the most common reasons why some people find it hard to fit in.
They overthink situations
Overthinking is one of the most aspects when it comes to not fitting in. People who tend to overthink react very defensively and inappropriately in a lot of instances. Due to this very simple fact, the people around them find it hard to be comfortable around them, thus not allowing them to fit in properly with the rest of the group.
They try way too hard
Some people try way too hard and that’s why they find it so hard to fit in. In most cases, these people absolutely mean well. They just want to be close to the people they want to be friends with. However, because they’re not really well-versed in the art of socializing, they tend to try way too hard. This, unfortunately, causes those around them to be distrusting of them.
They seek out the wrong groups
In some instances, people try way too hard to be a part of a group that’s too different from who they are. They try to fit in somewhere they just can’t fit in and that’s a recipe for disaster.
People sometimes do this unknowingly. They see someone in a particular group they want to be friends with, and they later find out they’re a part of a group. They then find out that the group acts in a way that’s different from their personality. Just because they want to be friends with that particular individual, they try to fit into the group that’s not suited for them.
They come in with false expectations
A lot of people set the wrong expectations when it comes to fitting in. In fact, their expectations are wrong when it comes to socializing altogether. Yes, socializing should be easy and it can be easy, but there are still things people need to know about if they want to fit in, make friends, and socialize. A lot of people don’t acknowledge this fact and when faced with disappointment, they become frustrated and discouraged.
They’re not socially skilled enough
Perhaps the most common reason why certain people don’t fit in is that they’re just not socially skilled enough. As mentioned earlier, a lot of people attempt to socialize expecting it would be easy, not knowing there are a lot of unspoken rules and certain social skills they need to keep in mind if they want to fit in and make friends.
Fortunately for everyone, this can be remedied with time, patience, and dedication.
Things You Can Do If You Don’t Fit In
Here are the things you can do and should keep in mind if you want to fit in and finally be a part of a group.
Don’t force yourself to be someone else
First things first, you need to remember to be authentic if you want to fit in. People dislike inauthentic individuals. Never try to be someone you’re not by putting on a facade and acting very differently in public than you would normally.
You can still change. If you believe you have certain behaviors that need adjusting for the better, do so. That means you’ll “upgrade” who you already are. What you shouldn’t do is employ a whole new personality altogether. That will be inauthentic and you might even hate yourself for it in the long run.
Just be yourself. This advice is cliche at this point but it’s extremely warranted still. Be yourself, accept who you are, and be authentic when interacting with others.
Join groups for things that interest you
Join groups for things that interest you and fitting in will be as natural as it can be. This is something a lot of people fail to do. They try so hard to fit into a group that clashes with their interests and personality when they can simply seek out one that will suit them most. This is a mistake you should avoid entirely, especially if you’re still working on your social skills.
Find a group or a club in your city for any of your interests. For example, if you’re into reading, you should be able to find a book club in your city. If you’re into music, head to local music bars and clubs. Whatever your interest is, you should be able to find a group for it in your area. Join one or be present there and start socializing. You’ll be surprised how easy it will be to fit in once you’re in the right environment.
Be more approachable
Approachable people find it way easier to fit in. This is because those around them are comfortable being in their company. You need to be this kind of person if you want to fit in easier.
Being approachable is easier than one might think. The key here is how you carry yourself and how presentable you are. You will need to appear as presentable as you can be at all times. You should also maintain a sense of confidence and positivity. Those around you will feel way more comfortable being around you, thus making it easier for you to fit in.
Don’t force yourself to join a group you don’t belong to
As mentioned earlier, people try way too hard to be a part of a group they have no business of belonging to. For example, if you’re someone who hates the wilderness yet you force yourself to join a group that frequently hikes and treks, you’ll only put yourself in a situation you’ll hate.
Even more, you might end up complaining about something the rest of the group loves doing. Not only will this not help you fit in, but it will cause you to look socially inept.
That said, avoid forcing yourself into groups you don’t belong to. At least for now. Later on, once you’re socially skilled and comfortable enough, you can feel free to attempt to join any group you want with your newly-acquired social skills. As of now, though, make things easier for yourself.
Find new interests
While it’s decent advice that you only stick to groups that fit you, you also shouldn’t close your doors to new interests. Who knows, there may be things you haven’t tried yet that you’ll genuinely find enjoyable.
When faced with an opportunity to explore something new, make sure to give it consideration. Think hard on whether or not you’ll actually enjoy it. Don’t immediately discredit it. When you find new interests, you meet new people. People who will mentor you on that newfound interest. This is a very good way of fitting in and making friends.
If that particular interest happens to be unseemly to you, then that’s okay. You gave it a shot, at the very least. That’s all that matters. Just don’t close your doors to every opportunity, but don’t force your way in if you really dislike it either.
Be more open-minded
Being open-minded is very good for you if you want to fit in easier. As you meet more people, you’ll also meet a lot of them who have different opinions and beliefs from you. Don’t attack the opinions and beliefs of others just because it doesn’t align with yours. Be open-minded and be open to discussions. You might like the interactions you’ll have with people who aren’t like-minded with you.
This doesn’t mean you should cave in and believe everything you hear from everyone else, it just means you should just be open to discussion. Don’t be defensive with your beliefs and don’t be offensive towards theirs. Be open-minded and be respectful. You’ll be able to fit in quite naturally with a lot of people by simply being these things.
Patience is a very good virtue to have. In a lot of cases, you won’t be able to fit in with the rest of the group in just one meeting. It will sometimes take multiple interactions for some people to become comfortable enough with you. Acknowledge this timespan and be patient. Don’t force things to happen quickly.
Interact with people as you should and don’t expect to be friends with everyone immediately. Allow these things to happen over time. But be consistent and persistent.
Look good to feel good
This may sound like very superficial advice, but it’s something you’ll need to heed if you want to fit in easier. Look good to feel good. Dress well. Be neat. Take care of your physical appearance. Be physically healthy and fit. Do all these things and it will do wonders for your confidence and mental health.
Aside from these things, it will also make you look more approachable, which you already know is a good thing if you want to fit in. Start working on yourself and a lot of things will follow.
As already mentioned, overthinking is one of the many reasons why certain people find it difficult to fit in. Don’t fall under this trap. Take things easy and stop overthinking if this is something you’re already prone to doing.
If you’re an avid overthinker, you know that “stopping” is easier said than done. Be that as it may, you will need to try as hard as you can to completely stop. There’s no other way around it. Stop yourself from overthinking as often as you can. Force yourself to believe that nothing can go wrong. And if it does, believe in the idea that you can either fix it or move on from it.
There’s no need to destroy yourself by overthinking it. Take it easy. Force your mind to believe these things and it will be easier to stop overthinking in time.
Be more open
If you want to fit in easier, you’ll need to be comfortable with the idea of opening up to others. Don’t be mysterious and silent. Some might find it intriguing, but most will just be disinterested in you. That’s not something you want if your goal is to fit in.
Share a story or two about yourself. Let others know of your interests and disinterests. Be an open book and allow others to read your life. Of course, if you have secrets you prefer to keep to yourself, it’s your liberty to do so. But don’t be closed and guarded all the time. Allow yourself to be a little bit vulnerable and you’ll gain friends for it.
Trust yourself and trust others
Trust is an essential aspect of making friends. Not only should you be able to trust others, but you’ll also need to trust yourself. That said, trust yourself that you’ll be able to fit in naturally with other people. If not now, you will eventually. You should also trust other people. Trust that they’ll be good friends and that they’ll accept you for who you are.
This is a two-way street too. Be trusting as well as trustworthy. Trust other people, trust yourself, and have them trust you. This solid foundation will allow you to fit in and make friends in most instances.
Start being more honest
If you want to fit in, you’ll need to be authentic and trustworthy. Being honest helps with this greatly. Start being more honest with yourself and with those around you. Besides, living life is easier this way. If you’re honest all the time, you’ll never have to remember anything. Everything you say to others are things you’ve experienced and lived through. Your stories are more straightforward and consistent. Others will find it easier to trust you, thus allowing you to fit in much easier.
Planning events is one of the easier and more straightforward ways you can do to fit in. Plan events, host a party and have people over. Give people a good time and they’ll feel very grateful towards you.
As the host, people will also feel more inclined to interact with you. As long as you’re able to accommodate everyone properly, making friends and fitting in this way is highly fun and very effective.
Hosting events and parties are fun indeed, but they are also very exhausting endeavors. That said, do this only sparingly, but make sure they’re worthwhile. Host events maybe only once every two months, or a bit more often than that if you’re daring enough. You can also do so to commemorate something, whether it’s a holiday or you simply have a cause for celebration.
Learn how to give good advice
Giving good advice is a social skill almost every socially adept person has. These people also tend to fit in very easily no matter which group they align themselves with. Be this kind of person and fitting in will become a little easier for you.
Giving good advice is not as easy as it sounds. It also sometimes helps to not give them at all but simply be there to listen instead. With that said, learn how to be empathetic to know what the other person needs. Give advice if they need it or remain to listen if that’s what they want instead.
You also should be careful with the pieces of advice you give. Make sure they’re always warranted and appropriate. Don’t just give out advice for the sake of giving them. You need to be considerate and extremely careful when it comes to this.
Take it easy
Stop trying way too hard all time time. You’ll need to take things down a notch and take things a little bit easier if you want to be able to fit in. This advice fits in so many aspects, whether it’s attempting to befriend someone, or if it’s overthinking, or if it’s something as simple as planning a night out.
Not everything needs to be overly complicated. Sometimes it’s the person themselves who make things complicated when things can be extremely simple. Make sure you remember this the next time you try to fit in.
Be kind. It’s a very simple piece of advice but it goes an extremely long way. Sometimes, kindness is all it takes. With that in mind, be kind to everybody you meet. Make an effort to be kind every single moment of your life. Even when others aren’t and can’t, be kind. It will make the day for those you meet.
As long as you’re able to do this, fitting in will become more natural to you. You won’t even have to think about it. People will appreciate your kindness so greatly that they’ll want to accept you with arms wide open.
Form your own group
One thing you can also do to fit in is to simply form your own group. Start with one friend, then introduce them to another, and bring one more person in, and in time, you’ll have your own group. It’s a fun and organic process that will blossom into something really beautiful at the end.
When you’re bringing people together, be sure that these people will actually get along with one another. Don’t carelessly throw people who have absolutely nothing in common in one group. It’ll take them way too long to become comfortable with each other at best, or they’ll clash with one another at worst.
Set proper expectations
Your expectations need to be managed from here on out. Don’t expect things to work out to your benefit as quickly as you want them to. As already mentioned here constantly, these things can take a long time. In some lucky cases, they can happen instantly. If the latter happens to you, then that’s good! But if it’s the former, don’t be disappointed.
Just be patient, know that the process of forming friendships can take time, and keep doing what you’re doing. You will eventually succeed in your goals. Don’t fret if it takes longer than usual.
Be more socially active
Finally, if you want to learn how to fit in, then you’ll need to be socially active. Even more so than you did. Meet more people, have more opportunities to make friends, and have more opportunities to fit in. Apply everything you’ve read here and this process will become easier for you the more you do it. This is the best part about this whole thing, doing the actual process.
There will be moments when it will seem very difficult, but that’s okay. That’s still part of the process. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll eventually get there. Good luck!
Fitting in is a process that can be considerably tough. But with enough repetition, willingness, and patience, you’ll get there eventually. Make sure you’re socially skilled enough when you do go out there. That said, make sure you read the other resources here to help you on your journey moving forward.