Sometimes, you need to be more outgoing and be extroverted if you want to step up your social game. This is your choice. You don’t have to be gregarious all the time, but sometimes, you just want to be. In this article, we’ll show you how you can at least be extroverted or outgoing when you decide to.
Extroverts feel energized when they are surrounded by other people. That is another reason why they are so outgoing. On the other hand, if you are not an extrovert, this may seem very difficult for you.
If you want to be more outgoing but you have a hard time doing it naturally, you may be what we call an introvert.
While it is perfectly fine and normal to be introverted, over 25-40% of the population are introverts, after all, sometimes you need a switch within you and be more outgoing in social settings to develop friendships. You can simply switch when you and only when you want to socialize like an extrovert. Thankfully, there are ways you can do just that.
Over 25-40% of the population are introverts
It’s completely normal to be introverted, but being an extrovert can serve you greatly when it comes to socializing. You don’t need to let go of your introverted personality. You can simply act like an extrovert whenever you want.
Extroverts find energy in crowds and social gatherings. Introverts, on the other hand, relies on peacefulness to be energized. That’s the main difference between extroverts and introverts.
A lot of people, however, purposely act and think like extroverts for the sake of making friends, socializing, and being comfortable at any social gatherings. You will know how to do the same after you finish reading this article.
Familiarize Your Environment When You Socialize
When you are going to a social event, take the time to know the place beforehand. Also, know what kind of party it’s going to be about. Get to know who the host is, and find out the kind of people that are going to be attending the said party.
Start visualizing yourself in that setting. Imagine yourself interacting with people, get the feel of the place, and know how you should act depending on the people participating. If you do this, you will feel more comfortable in the actual social gathering. You at least get a glimpse of what’s to come.
Once you’re in the actual social event, take a look around and assess the environment again. Learn everything you can about the event at that moment. If there’s a performer, learn who it is. Know the dishes and drinks they serve. You can use all of this as conversation starters and ice breakers.
You can also scan the room and find people who may have things in common with you. Eavesdrop a little, but don’t barge in on the conversation. For example: if you hear someone talking about something you’re also interested in, you can approach that person later on. Find the right moment to discuss your common interest and socialize.
Actively Look For Social Gatherings
You need to take the time to personally seek out social gatherings and events that you can attend. There are a lot of websites and social media sites online that can help you out with this like Eventbrite and/or Facebook.
Do your best to find one that’s in your local community as you are most like to find people there who’ll have things in common with you. A long-term friendship can be built easier if you end up meeting someone who lives close by.
You can also try looking out for establishments that have just recently opened. They are most likely to hold gatherings and social events for promotions. Places like these are great for socializing because the place itself can automatically be everyone’s topic of discussion. You can just appear extroverted and outgoing by joining the conversation and sharing your thoughts on the matter.
If you’re itching to participate in a social event, even if it’s just to observe, and you can’t seem to find any online, you can ask the people you know for help. Your acquaintances and peers may have ideas on where you can generally socialize and practice your outgoing nature. Don’t hesitate to ask for their help.
Smile When You Want To Seem More Friendly
Experts say extroverts and introverts can be spotted by many through their facial expressions. Extroverts tend to have lighter facial expressions than introverts. With that in mind, you can start practicing lightening up your facial expression at home. The best way to do this is to smile more to appear more friendly towards others.
A smile is a sign of many things. It indicates joy, contentment, and cheerfulness among other things. You can be more gregarious just by putting up a smile. Other people will feel more comfortable with approaching you, and you can have the opportunity to be extroverted just at that moment.
One of the best ways to smile naturally is to do it naturally. Don’t fake the smile. Just realize how amazing the moment is. You are in a social gathering, you have an amazing opportunity to make friends, you are surrounded by other people, and every one of them is a potential friend.
Be grateful for that moment, and you’ll start feeling naturally happy. After you feel naturally happy, you will start smiling naturally and you will look more approachable and can be more outgoing.
Make Sure Your Mood Is Right
You won’t have a good time at a party if your mood is downright negative. Before you even consider going to a party, make sure your mindset is right and your mood is positive. This will affect your overall behavior and will affect how others in the party see you.
You will also have an incredibly hard time socializing if your mind is distracted with negative thoughts. You won’t be able to tell the stories you want to or listen to the stories of others. If you’re feeling down, then maybe you should put off going to any parties for now.
The idea of this article is to be extroverted “when you want to”. You won’t want to be extroverted and socialize with others when you’re feeling especially down. The general idea of being extroverted is to be energized in the company of many. Going to a party in this situation will make your socializing goals ineffective.
On the other hand, if your mood is right, many things will go very smoothly for you. You are more relaxed, you will smile more, thus more people will approach you. You can be more outgoing since your mind is in the right state. Timing is of the essence when it comes to making sure your mood is right, so be sure to watch out for that when you’re planning to attend social gatherings.
Don’t Be Too Guarded
You need to allow yourself to be a little vulnerable to make friendships in social situations. If you’ll always appear guarded, people might see you as unpleasant. Even worse, some people might think that you hate being there.
If that happens, nobody will want to approach you and no one will want to be approached by you. Just relax, smile, and let down your walls for others to come in. A lot of good things can come into your life if you let it.
Another way to loosen up your guard in front of others is through your storytelling. When speaking to other people, share a few embarrassing stories every once in a while. These stories don’t have to be very personal, they can just be things you consider private. It can be even better if you add humor to these stories. Here are a few examples of things you can share in social gatherings that show vulnerability:
- I once tried out this sport I had no prior experience with, and I failed horribly in front of many people.
- In college, I once mistakenly attended a wrong class and stayed there until the bell rang. The worst part is, people knew I was in the wrong class, even the professor!
- I was walking down a street one time and I see this woman at a distance waving in my direction. Not recognizing her, I simply thought she was someone I knew before and had forgotten, so I waved back. I later realized she was waving at the person behind me.
Not only will stories like these make them laugh, but this will also make them see you as a relatable person. You allowing yourself to be seen by others for who you are, flaws and all, means you are showing them your humanity. Extroverted people can do this naturally.
Engage In More Conversations
If you want to be more outgoing and exercise your extroverted side, don’t settle with talking to just one person. Go around the room and have as many conversations as you can.
If you managed to scan the room earlier and spotted those who have many in common with you, engaging in more conversations will be easier for you. Just approach those people first. Talk with them and do your best to have a genuine connection with them. They may introduce you to other people, thus allowing you to have even more conversations.
When speaking to someone, your listening skill is just as important as your speaking ability. You need to let others talk while also maintaining your own pace of talking. This way, the exchange is healthy and the conversations are better.
You should also encourage them to talk more if you feel like they aren’t speaking up as much as they should. Maybe they’re shy and they need someone extroverted to help them out in situations like that. That is when you can step up as an extrovert.
Listen to them carefully and whenever they say something interesting, or something that can be expanded upon, reply with an “oh that sounds interesting! Can you tell me more about it?” or something along the lines of that.
You’ll feel very satisfied by the end of the night if you manage to have enough conversations in one place. You’ve made a lot of connections and you were able to hone your outgoing nature.
Learn Small Talk
Small talk is something a lot of people dislike, but it is very important when building up conversations. Think of “small talk” as your building blocks towards having long and fruitful conversations.
You can talk about simple things in social interactions, but you need to cover a lot of ground. You can jump from one topic to another while keeping every subject brief. This is most especially useful when you’re just getting to know someone.
Here are perfect examples of topics you cant talk about when making small talk:
- Current and relevant events. The ones you hear and read about on the news.
- Works of fiction. Movies and books are always great topics to talk about.
- Upcoming holidays and vacation destinations
- Restaurants and food
- Hometown
Make sure you share everything you know about a certain topic when making small talk. This way, even though a topic is only discussed briefly, you are still adding value to that interaction.
Eventually, as you carry on with your conversation, you will land on a certain topic where you both will connect. Once that happens, you both can share your thoughts on that matter and the conversation will grow, along with your connection with each other.
Bring Others Up
There will always be people who are anxious and uncomfortable at parties. Often, they are just forced to be there because a friend or acquaintance dragged them along, and now the person who brought them is off talking to someone else. If you’ve ever been in that situation, then you know how awful it feels. If you see someone like that in a social setting, don’t hesitate to approach them so they don’t feel so left out.
One good way to do this is to find a topic they’re passionate about as you are talking with them. At first, just approach with a smile and introduce yourself. Make sure you’re being sincere as you approach. That will make you act more comfortable and outgoing.
Remember, you need to be the one carrying the interaction to lift them up. As I was saying, once you find that certain topic that they’re really into, focus on that certain topic. You can encourage them to talk more about it by allowing them to teach you a thing or two about it. Here’s a way you can do that naturally:
Say, you figured out the person you’re talking to is a musician who plays rock. You can then start talking about rock music, but only briefly. Allow them to finish and expand the thought. For example:
You can say something like “I’ve listened to rock music growing up, but I don’t hear much of them these days anymore”. They will then add and expand upon that topic. Since the person you’re talking to is in the music industry, they’ll know what kinds of songs are mostly played on the radio.
The idea is to bring up something they’re interested in and allow them to continue the discussion by letting them share their knowledge on the matter.
This can be applied to everything. No matter what it is they’re into, all you have to do is bring it up, say something you know about it, then let them carry on the topic. Once they’ve done talking, they will realize how much they’ve shared and will feel grateful to you for allowing them to speak. By letting them share what they know in a social setting, they will not feel so left out anymore, and they’ll have you to thank for that.
Be Comfortable With Having Many Eyes On You
A lot of people feel very uncomfortable when they’re aware they are the center of attention. However, extroverts experience this way too many times and they don’t mind it at all. If you’re to flip your switch and be an extrovert for the sake of socializing, there’s a chance you’ll become the center of attention. If you want to be more outgoing, you’re going to have to get used to that.
One good thing you can do to avoid anxiety when being the center of attention is to stop thinking inwards. Stop thinking about yourself and read the room around you. As you’re telling your story, or are sharing your joke, or anything for that matter, see how others are reacting.
Assess which ones are closely listening to you, and pick out points and parts of your stories people seem to respond well to. Maybe that’s something you can use in the future. Just focus on your listeners and your surroundings to avoid being self-conscious. Once you get that going, you can carry forward without having to worry about yourself.
The best way to get over this obstacle is to practice your stories at home. Familiarize the construction of your stories. You know that feeling when you play a song over and over that you’re able to sing out the lyrics without even thinking about it? That’s how your stories should be.
Practice them at home, in front of the mirror if you have to until you’ve finally familiarized them with great detail. Once you finally go out there and you get the chance to speak in front of many people, you won’t have to worry much about your story messing up. It will just be as if you’re singing a song you’ve already memorized.
Increase Your Charisma To Be More Outgoing
First off, you don’t need to be loud to be charismatic. It can be quite the opposite. The key to being charismatic is to get the attention of others while being as relaxed as you can.
You can be the ultimate charismatic person if you manage the way you speak and the quality of your voice. People are more likely to listen to someone who keeps their stories precise and clear than to those who unnecessarily make their stories longer. Also, people like listening to soft, deep, and calm voices over those loud and squeaky voices.
If your voice is naturally high-pitched, that’s something you can practice. You don’t need to have the voice of a male opera singer, you just need to place it in the area of normalcy. The best way to speak like this is to speak with your diaphragm as opposed to focusing on your throat when talking.
If you want “research materials”, you can go online and watch talk show hosts speak. Listen to them and how they talk to the audience. They don’t talk with a high pitched voice and don’t force a low tone either. Talk show hosts speak on a level that’s just enough that it’s comfortable to the ears. They draw and inspire their listeners as they speak and that’s what makes a charismatic person.
Stay In Touch With The People You Meet
As you go along your social crusade, you’re going to start meeting a lot of people. Once you find those you connect with, don’t lose that wonderful chance by staying in touch with those people. Meeting people and starting interactions can be a difficult task, but staying in touch is really what makes or breaks a friendship.
Once you reach out to a person days after you met them at a social gathering, they will immediately see you as someone outgoing. And they will appreciate the fact that you’re reaching out to them again after getting to know each other. It shows that you’re willing to build a friendship and they are highly likely to return that sentiment.
Staying in touch can be great because you can create the rules moving forward. If there were any things you weren’t so thrilled about in the location or in the event you met, you can then meet again in a place where you’re comfortable.
You can go to a famous restaurant or bar that you like, or you can both discuss and find common ground. That’s the fun of staying in touch, it’s part of the getting-to-know phase.
You can generally reach out to a person a few days, or a week after you met. You can say something as simple as: “Hey, it was great meeting you last weekend. It’d be great if we could hang out again” or something similar to that.
The important thing is, you took your time to reach out to them again and they will appreciate that. Making friends and maintaining friendships is essential if you’re to be more gregarious.
Shut Off Every Once In A While
If you’re dedicated to practicing your extroverted nature, you have to shut yourself down and go back to your secluded nature every once in a while. If you are a natural introvert who’s practicing how to be more extroverted, you cannot force it by living a life that’s completely new to you.
You need to know your pace and work with that. Be an extrovert when you have to, but return home and be alone every once in a while to satisfy your introverted nature. Being alone isn’t equal to loneliness.
Practice how to be an extrovert and more outgoing and apply that when you’re in a social setting. That way, you can have fun in social gatherings and make friendships with amazing people. You’ll get the chance to build connections and even be given opportunities you never knew could be opened to you. That’s the beauty of being more outgoing.
However, you also need to rest and be alone for a while, especially if that’s in your nature. You have to know that it’s okay to be an introvert and it’s okay to feed that nature. Isolate yourself for a while. Those times will give you time to think for yourself and figure out other things besides socializing.
Besides, those moments of isolation will give you time to recharge until it’s time to go out and socialize again. In the meantime, read a book, watch a movie, or just meditate. Cherish those moments of being alone and you’ll appreciate the idea of being around other people more.
Conclusion
It is important to have a little bit of extroverted personally if you are to build your group of friends. It will also allow you to be more outgoing more easily. Having friends in this world of ours is important to get through our daily struggles. We can have people to confide in during our darkest moments and have them to share our happiest moments with. If you know how to carry yourself in social interactions, you’ll find that friendships are beautiful and they can be easily built.
You can be an extrovert and an introvert at the same time. You just need to know which switches you need to turn on in regards to your situation. Just remember, you need to value the importance of being socially active, but you should also cherish the moments where you’re alone with yourself and your thoughts.
What’s Next
If you’d like to learn more, check out my Get The Friends You Want eBook. In it you’ll discover some amazing tips to put to use in your social life right now, such as the specific steps “natural” conversationalist use to build friendships, and what you have to do to use those steps yourself. You’ll also learn how to know when a group of friends want you to join them, even when they’re not telling you directly. You’ll also learn what to say to get a friendship from the acquaintance-level to a more meaningful friendship.