If you have no friends, it feels like you’ll be lonely for life. But of course, that’s not true. You can still make new friends, even if you find yourself in a situation with no friends in sight.
This happens when you move to a new city, part ways with someone who was your only friend or lover, or when you make important changes in your lifestyle.
Here are the important steps which can get you from loneliness to having the friends you want.
Understand Loneliness and Shyness (So You Can Avoid Them)
Loneliness and shyness make you feel certain feelings that are easy to misunderstand. Understanding the right meaning of loneliness and shyness is the key to overcoming them.
Loneliness, for instance, is nothing more than a signal your body generates when you’re not experiencing social connection. It signals to you that the need for social connection is as important as eating or drinking.
If you misunderstand loneliness, when you have no friends, and don’t know how to deal with it, you could get stuck in it for no reason whatsoever.
Shyness, on the other hand is the fear of social criticism. Let me say that again. It’s the fear of social criticism. In other words, shyness is just the fear of something that might happen, but probably won’t.
If you misunderstand shyness and go hide from people, they will most likely interpret that as you, rejecting them. They could think of you as a snob, who thinks too highly of himself or herself. And that means that they’ll in turn, start rejecting you.
Even if your intentions are good, and you were just avoiding rejection, people interpret that sometimes as an insult to their value and start rejecting you.
If you want to have an in-depth understanding of the techniques which allow you to overcome shyness and loneliness, then I recommend that you read the first chapters of Get The Friends You Want.
You can get it here:
Master Conversation and Social Skills
Conversation is the blood vein of social connection. If you master it, you’ll have all the friends and influence you want.
One important factor is being able to keep a conversation going. And in order to do that, you need to learn to get interested in others and ask them questions about themselves.
You also want to share as much as you can of whatever you heard or seen that is related to topics you’re discussing with people. Finding that common ground in conversation is what guarantees that people want to spend more time with you.
Learn to Make Friends and Build Your Social Circle
The first thing to know about making friends is that it is a skill. It’s not something you’re born with, as many people like to believe.
Making friends is not a magical ability that only a few have. It’s a learned ability. Most of us learned how to make friends when we were little. But, as adults, we need to learn the new skill of making friends as an adult.
To do that, you need to find groups of people who meet up regularly and who have interests, similar or close to your own. You need to learn how to find commonalities with these people, beyond that first common interest. And you need to learn to turn these new acquaintances into friends, by meeting them once or twice in a social setting.
After that, you can meet them regularly outside that community.
These are all skills that you can learn how to do. It’s not that complicated when you know how.
After you have made a few friends, you need to introduce them to each other. If you do that, you arrive at what we call a social circle. A nice circle of friends that works with you in making plans, bringing new people, and creating amazing experiences that you can go through together.
Once you have a nice circle of friends, you’re no longer the only one trying to improve your social life. Your close friends help you out with it.
To get more tips and techniques that will help you create a great social life, filled with great people who will like you, understand you, and enjoy your company, get yourself a copy of my Get The Friends You Want eBook.
In it, I’ll share with you the techniques and insights that took me many years to discover.
See you there,
– Paul Sanders
Author, Get The Friends You Want