You probably know how critical it is for your happiness and success, to have a great circle of friends. I mean, just imagine how awful it is to have friendless birthdays, or not having the right friends to go on vacation with…
But, that fantasy of having the right friend group, with people who will support you, laugh with you, make your life more fun and worthwhile, is probably easier to have than you realize.
Stop fantasizing about having that great group of friends, and start learning how to get it. This newsletter will help do just that…
Wash, Rinse, Repeat…
The secret to building a circle of close friends is to build habits. If you come with me and meet the social stars -people so skilled at making friends, you’d think it’s magic- you’d see that the secret of their success lies in the repetition.
They have a set of social habits that they use every week, and every month and they always end up having more friends than they can fit in their schedule.
Another secret to having a great social circle is the cycling of two actions that I call “Explore the New” and “Nurture the Old”, which are key to the whole “Get The Friends You Want” Method…
Step One – Explore The New (make a habit of meeting new people)
One of the simplest ways you can meet new people is to look for local communities in your area, find the ones that are the closest to your interests, and join them.
Make a habit of attending every meeting or get-together, I found out that the ideal is to find a group that meets every month, and just join.
The key here is to make this part of what you do every month. If you only do it when you’re pumped, then it won’t work. You have to attend, month-in and month-out.
If you’re having trouble getting motivated to attend, then there is something you can do: Go to the people who run this community and offer to volunteer to help them in managing the events. That simple one-move will make it so legitimate for you to attend the events; you won’t need to motivate yourself to do it.
Step Two – Nurture The Old (make a habit of connecting up your friends)
Ask yourself this. What’s easier to do…
- Calling 3 or 4 people who don’t know each other and getting them to hang out together with you, or…
- Calling 1 friend who always seems to have a bunch of friends around and will probably be going out anyway?
If you think the latter is easier, then imagine that you are that friend. Imagine that you’re the person who brings people together and arrange plans…
That’s right; people will start to call YOU to make plans.
Because it’s easier for people to hang out with small groups, rather than call individual friends, it’ll be easier for you to have friends around you if you apply this principle. What you do is get the new people you’ll be meeting (see step-1) to meet those you already know, or meet each other.
Just remember, you don’t have to arrange big group outings, do with what would make you feel comfortable. A 3-people plan for Friday evening is great if you feel comfortable arranging it. You don’t have to have a huge circle when you’re starting out.
I hope you’re starting to realize that making friends and building a friend circle is much simpler and easier than it seems at first. Making friends is a skill, everyone is at a different level, and there is no shame about learning how it’s done.
I share more techniques on… knowing how to talk to people, being fun, keeping in touch with people, and a lot more, in my Get The Friends You Want eBook. Get it and let me share with you what I’ve learned after many years of trial-and-error.
– Paul Sanders
Author, Get The Friends You Want