In this Social Skills Newsletter, I want to share with you a set of important skills for being social and making friends.
But, if you want to start reading THE SOURCE for friend-making skills right NOW, I suggest you download your copy of my eBook, “Get The Friends You Want”.
In it, you’ll get all the “social tools and techniques” to prepare yourself for more friends, less frustration or loneliness, more fun, and more adventures with friends.
If you always wanted to “Be More Social” but never figured out how to do it, then let me share with you the most important things you need to know.
If you want to have interesting friends to go out with, have fun, talk to, travel with, and meet over the weekend, you need to learn the critical friend-making skills.
These skills will allow you to avoid spending your weekends alone, or be around people who aren’t a good match for you, and with whom you feel judged, criticized, and misunderstood.
I want to share you one strategy that can take you from complete confusion about how to make friends, to clarity and results. Let’s dive right in.
Making Friends – The CONTEXT
One reason that gets people to stay lonely for years, is that they only “try” to be social once in a while.
Instead, you need to put some space in your life… for social activities. Here is how…
First, take your weekly calendar… mark the hours of the week in the specific days, that you’ll devote to social activity.
That chunk of time is for THAT… and ONLY THAT. No distractions allowed, just for socializing.
If you don’t set a time for socializing, then there will always be stuff to distract you from it… and it can go on for years.
Decide, right now, what places you like to go to. You choose. Where would you like to go on weekends if you had the friends you want? What would you do on holidays? During the week?
This is important because it makes you more credible when you suggest plans to people… If you have no idea what kind of plans you want to have, how can anybody join you?
And, don’t worry about where popular people go, just decide what YOU would like to do. Write down a list.
The Traps (that will trick you into meeting new friends)
Let’s face it, it’s hard to pull yourself out of your past habits and go out to meet new people… The trick is… to “trick” yourself into socializing… and it’s kinda fun. Here is how…
Take one interest of yours, then find a club, meetup group, interest group, or NGO with people who meet regularly around that subject. Attend ALL meetings.
If they have a team who manages those meetups, offer to help.
This will be your “socializing ritual”. It will push you to have friends and socialize whether you feel like it or not. It works because you don’t have to motivate yourself for two hours to do it, it’s legitimate, and it doesn’t feel awkward if you show up.
Making Friends – The SKILLS
There are many social skills, but the friend-making skills can make all the difference. Here are three of the most important ones…
Meeting New People
Do you feel anxious about talking to people you don’t know? Great!
That anxiety means that you just don’t know how to do it. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or that you’re weird. It’s just a skill to learn.
Basically, when you talk to a new person, you can ask generic questions, and look for stuff you have in common. If you can’t find any, ask some more open questions like “what do you think of X-Y-Z ?”, these types of questions get people to express their unique point of view. And that reveals to you what they’re like.
If you still can’t find anything in common with the person. Be nice, and move on. Never be too available to anyone who would wanna be your friend.
The key is to make friends who are a good match for you… who like the stuff you like, think like you think, like the places that you like to go to, etc.
Contacting New People to Meet Up
This is another skill, it takes guts, but recognize it for what it is: a skill.
Say you get the contact information of someone you just met, after a week or so, call them up (or text), ask how they’re doing, mention something you talked about, and say something like…
“So look, maybe we can go get a drink this Thursday if you’re available, what do you think?”… simple as that!
If they don’t have time, fine! You don’t want to force them anyway. Move on. This is your life, and it’s too important to waste worrying about who didn’t have time for you.
Going Out with Existing Friends, and Bringing New Ones
This is simple, but you don’t have to do it at first. Once you get one or two friends, you want to start introducing people to each other.
Once you do that, it’s much easier to keep your social life moving, because you’re not the only one calling and making plans.
If you have friends who don’t know each other, then you’re doing 10 times the effort you could have been doing if you had friends who knew each other. That’s how it works.
Making Friends – A Special SECRET
There is a secret that makes some people learn how to make friends quickly, while others struggle with it for years.
That secret is to consider this as a SKILL… instead of thinking that it’s weird, or that there is something wrong with you.
Relax, everybody could use a couple more cool and interesting friends who would understand them… and if they say the opposite, they’re probably lying.
It’s a Skill… Learn it! It doesn’t mean anything weird about you, it’s just a skill.
…If you want to get more tips on meeting people, making great conversation, and making friends, while avoiding the socially awkward mistakes most people make when they want to make new friends… then you need to download and read a copy of my eBook, “Get The Friends You Want”.
Talk to you there,
– Paul Sanders
Author, Get The Friends You Want