In this Social Skills newsletter, I’m going to show you how to spice up the conversation and keep it going with new people you meet, and show you how what you THINK works to make people like you, usually sabotage your conversation skills.
Did You Know there’s a simple phrase you can say to a person you just met… any person… to instantly spice up the conversation as soon as you start talking?
This phrase is so simple yet totally subtle that 90% of people would never think of saying it… yet it guarantees that new people will want to spend time talking to you and getting to know you.
Get a powerful head-start on making friends — painlessly and effortlessly — with my Get The Friends You Want eBook.
This eBook is the WORLD’s BEST at teaching you how to use conversation skills to instantly create connections with new people and keep in touch with them in order to make friends with them later – if you want.
There’s a difference between being able to talk to new people easily… and talking to them in a way that makes them want to be your friend. Find out what it is here:
Now let’s get to it.
Let’s learn 2 Easy Tips To Keep a Conversation Going
Why do we have trouble keeping a conversation going when we meet new people?
Why do we ONLY run out of things to say, when we are with people we don’t know that well?
We don’t seem to have that problem when we talk to our moms or to old friends. Why does it happen with strangers?
IT’S MOTHER NATURE’S FAULT 🙂
It’s in our nature and biology. When we meet new people, we quickly think of two scenarios: Friend or Foe?
In other words, we think “are they going to accept and like me, or are they going to judge me and reject me?”
We naturally WANT people to like us. And we want people NOT to reject us. So we do things which SABOTAGE our conversation skills.
We first try not to say things that are objectionable. We say things that everyone agrees with. We also say things which we are a 100% sure of, so there is no possibility that we’d be wrong.
We also avoid mentioning stuff about us that’s too unique. We avoid showing anything about us which can come across as weird or “out there”.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS?
Yes… It’s B. O. R. I. N. G.
Our socially-acceptable sides ARE boring in conversation.
Here are 2 techniques to solve this “Run Out Of Things To Say” problem.
#1 Let Loose
When you’re talking to someone new, try to avoid “filtering” what you’re going to say.
Filtering is the process of ONLY saying things that are cool, acceptable, interesting, fun, stimulating, and which make us look good.
But, unless you’re a superstar, you will run out of those soon enough.
And people who ONLY talk about the “perfect” stuff about them sound fake anyway, so you better avoid that.
The key is to… deliberately talk about AVERAGE, NORMAL things (like what you did today, what you ate) ; Mention some things you always screw up ; Mention something you do that is a little quirky or weird (like, drinking coffee just before you go to bed) ; Mention a unique opinion you have on a subject.
By doing this, you show that you’re a real person. People can relate to you, and therefore let loose around you and open up to talk about anything they want.
When you start expressing yourself freely, you no longer run out of things to say.
#2 Remember, and tell, stories – even if they’re not yours!
When talking to one new person or to a group of friends, you NEED to express yourself from time to time.
You can’t be the wall flower and expect them to come and befriend you.
A great way to contribute to conversations is to tell RELATED STORIES.
This is a great technique to make you come across as an open-minded person who is interesting to hang out with.
From now on, I suggest that you remember and make a mental note of the stories you… hear about, read about, and/or see or live.
For example, if someone mentions a trip to Vegas, and you have a friend that went to Florida recently, MENTION it. Mention any interesting stories they told you when they got back.
Also, try and remember facts and stories from books, articles, documentaries, and movies. And Remember things that happen in parties, travels, etc.
The more RELATED stories you have, the the more things you can talk about, and the more you come across as interesting.
If you want to stop running out of things to say, you need to eliminate the filters your impose on yourself and learn to use everything you hear in the conversations you have. So you really need to check out Chapter 4 of my eBook “Get The Friends You Want”.
This chapter will eliminate the filters in your conversations, the awkward silences that make a conversation turn weird, and conversation anxiety that is holding you back from TRUE success with friends.
So go try the eBook for 60 days and then decide if it’s worth the money you’re investing (or worth 10 times that) here:
I’ll talk to you again soon.
– Paul Sanders
Author, Get The Friends You Want