Hey Friend,
Thanks for signing up for my free “Social Skills” email newsletter.
I’m Paul Sanders, and I’ve spent the last several years figuring out how to be more successful in friendship and socially… and helping other people do the same.
I’m going to send you a newsletter once or twice a week, and share MANY of the secrets I’ve learned on how to: Overcome shyness and loneliness; Make conversations interesting and keep them going; Improve your social skills; & Meeting the right people and making new friends.
In this first social skills newsletter, I’ll share the 7 most dangerous mistakes people make in friendship and in the social world.
I recommend you really study these mistakes, because most people make them and don’t even realize it.
And if you decide that you’d like to get on the “fast track” and give yourself an in-depth social skills education, then I recommend that you check out some of my more advanced stuff.
I wrote a book called “Get The Friends You Want,” based on my own personal experiences trying to figure out how to make friends…
After reading all kinds of books, listening to tapes and going to seminars, I found that nothing that was “commercially available” seemed to actually WORK on a consistent basis.
This led me down a several-year-long path of learning, getting to know people who were EXPERTS in making friends… and finally testing and refining what I learned to come up with a system that WORKS.
I absolutely guarantee you that this is NOT a “how to fit-in and be someone you’re not” self-help book.
This is new, cutting-edge stuff… that WORKS. If you use my material, you WILL meet more friends starting IMMEDIATELY.
Check it out here: https://GetTheFriendsYouWant.com/sp/
Now let’s get started…
THE 7 MOST DANGEROUS MISTAKES PEOPLE MAKE IN FRIENDSHIP
Here Are The Top Reasons Why People Fail In Friendship And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes…
MISTAKE #1: Thinking that You Don’t Need New Friends
Have you ever noticed that people who are the most unhappy and lonely keep telling themselves that they don’t need friends, or that they are “better off” without them?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I’m sure you’ve been in a position where you thought that you don’t “need” friends. And YET, you felt very lonely and unhappy.
What’s going on here? If we desperately want more friends, why do we keep telling ourselves that we don’t need them?
It’s actually very simple…
People often have bad experiences with friends and family in the past and base everything on them. This leads them to believe that if they go out and try to meet new people, they’ll regret it in some way.
To avoid facing the fact that we are afraid of being hurt and rejected, we come up with “reasons why” we don’t need more friends.
The first step is to be honest with yourself about why you NEED more friends in your life.
This frees you up from all tension and frustration.
MISTAKE #2: Not Understanding Loneliness and Shyness
What do most people do when they want to meet people… but feel too shy and vulnerable to make it happen?
Right! They chicken out and HIDE at home.
Well, I gotta tell you something… loneliness and shyness make you FEEL certain feelings that are easy to misunderstand.
Loneliness makes you think (and feel) that it’s a bad idea to go hang out with people. Shyness makes you think that you’re going to be CRITICIZED and EMBARRASSED if you go meet people.
Wait, if that’s how you FEEL, maybe it’s the truth, right?
Not really. It’s actually a GOOD idea to be with people and have all kinds of fun experiences with them. And you’re more subject to criticism if you ISOLATE yourself from people. Here is why…
When people see that you always hang out by yourself, they don’t just assume that you’re shy. Instead, they think that YOU DON’T LIKE THEM.
They feel rejected and start to think of reasons why they don’t like YOU. And that’s why the isolated people get even more isolated, over time.
Learn to NOT draw quick (and wrong) conclusions.
You ARE safe around people, if you know how to find the right ones, and you WON’T be criticized.
MISTAKE #3: Sabotaging Your Basic Conversation Skills
When meeting new people, we try to sound cool and impressive, so we only say things that we think are impressive.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
This mistake makes us put a pressure on ourselves that destroys our ability to talk freely and have fun when we interact with people.
If you think that you need to be extremely careful about what you say and do around new people, think again.
It actually backfires. By putting that pressure on yourself, you start to “filter” everything you say. It has to be “perfect” for you to say it.
The truth is, you will never be a perfect person. No one of us will ever be. So, let’s be more authentic and “real.”
Not only it is FREEING for you, people will LOVE – not just like – LOVE being around you if you can freely express yourself.
Just by stopping that pressure, you’ll have more THINGS TO TALK ABOUT than 90% of people… who continue to try and sound “perfect”.
MISTAKE #4: Not Showing Interest In Other People
This is another way we RUIN any chances of meeting interesting people.
We often think that to impress people, we need to tell them good and cool things about ourselves.
And you know what? It DOESN’T work.
There are too many people who promote themselves constantly, and try and explain why they’re great and unique.
In brief, people rarely meet anyone who can get interested in THEM. Everyone is always talking about themselves and trying to prove that they’re cool and smart.
Screw that!
The only way to make a person like you is to try and find what YOU can like about THEM.
When you meet a new person, put EVERYTHING aside, and find out what’s interesting about THEM.
If you do just that, again, you will be making friends easier and better than 90% of people.
MISTAKE #5: Making Awkward Mistakes That Weird People Out
How many times have you said or did something in front of people that seemed completely okay to you… but people got silent and weirded out by it?
If you’re like me, then you’ve had it happen A LOT.
And that’s another reason why people GIVE UP trying to make new friends.
After a horrible experience like that, they no longer want to show their face to these people. And they stop trying to make new friends.
If this happened to you, then IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
Not entirely, at least.
If you spent an extended period alone or isolated, if you have parents or friends who aren’t very social, then it’s completely NATURAL to pick those “socially awkward habits.”
In fact, in my book, I share a list of 44 socially awkward mistakes you need to avoid at all cost, when meeting new people. That way, you won’t fall into that situation and get discouraged.
I made all those mistakes, you can avoid them and avoid coming across as awkward and/or weird. You can read them, starting on page 97 of my book that you can get here:
https://GetTheFriendsYouWant.com/sp/
Otherwise, let’s move on to:
MISTAKE #6: Having Absolutely No Idea How To Make Friends
One of the most common mistakes people make is giving up before they’ve started… because they think that friendship is something that happens on its own… or that it takes too much time… or it takes too much money and that they need to go out all the time… or that friendship is a skill that you can’t just “learn.”
These are valid points. It’s normal to think that way…
But it’s far from being true.
You don’t have to change your life to make new friends. You just need to take advantage of any opportunity that is ALREADY part of your life. Here are a few examples…
Think of the places you regularly go to which HAVE people in them… that’s exactly WHERE you can start meeting friends.
Now, think of something you absolutely LOVE to do or talk about. Chances are, many people are interested in that same thing… These are the people who want to hang out with you the MOST.
Use what I told you about getting interested in other people… That’s the EASIEST way to have a conversation. People just love to talk about what’s going on in their lives.
Think of the friends that you can meet through the people you already know… that’s the FASTEST way to make new friends.
And so on.
Most importantly, learn from people who can make friends easily. Watch how they socialize and talk to people they just met.
If you do what the socially-successful people do, you’ll get the same social success yourself.
MISTAKE #7: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is what keeps people from ever having the friends with whom they can have the fun and the amazing experiences they truly want.
I know, it’s not an easy issue to face. Not having friends, or being too afraid to meet people is a bit embarrassing, even to admit to yourself.
Hey, I’ve been there…
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to meet the right people and make friends…
About seven years ago, I became fed up with the fact that I didn’t know how to overcome my shyness and hesitation, go out and meet people, make friends with them and keep them in my life.
I was completely frustrated and felt like a loser. I was just sick of the boring and lonely life I was living.
Then, it got to me. I’ve learned other skills before, why can’t I do the same and LEARN social skills?
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of techniques, I finally figured it all out.
I can now move to any new city and make all the friends I have time for. I made friends with rich and famous people most people don’t get access to, I spent time with incredibly interesting and cool people, and I’ve made friends with regular people as well.
I enjoy every bit of it… even if I don’t see myself as a “people person.” Not at all!
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that harsh void in my life… like I don’t know how to make conversation… like I can’t make friends… and I might end up alone for a long time.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can start meeting great people I can be friends with, who will appreciate, respect, and even support me.
I’ve written a book on the topic, and I’ve done consultations with hundreds of readers all over the world.
You can download my eBook and start reading in literally MINUTES from right now.
It’s FULL specific strategies for overcoming fear and hesitation, conversation techniques, social skills, very fun inexpensive or even free things you can do with people, how to have close friends, and how to build a group of friends that will always be on your side.
Download Your Copy Of The Online eBook Here: https://getthefriendsyouwant.com/sp/
And I’ll talk to you again, soon…
Your Friend,
Paul Sanders
Author, Get The Friends You Want