January is over. I hope you’ve started making your social life better, to move toward a situation where you have the right friends, the good fun that comes with that, the right social skills, and the confidence that goes with that. Let’s talk about conversation techniques…
I wanted to share with you a set of six conversation techniques that draw people to you. Why? Because they make you charming.
If you speak in a certain way, people don’t really know why, but they feel comfy, and at ease in discussing stuff with you.
They feel at home – like they can talk t you about anything. It can even give them that feeling of having known you forever.
1. Your Opinion Is Your Opinion
When you speak to friends and potential friends, it might seem obvious to you that you’re only expressing what you think. But it’s not that obvious to the other person!
When you say things like “This city is too cold, too loud, and there are way too many people,” people just think “oh ok…” and shut up. They think that you’re so convinced of that, that if they were to disagree, you’d be in some kind of conflict.
So this cuts the conversation short – and make it less comfortable, especially if you’re talking to potential friends. Even if you’re merely expressing what you think, people don’t know that, unless you say so, from time to time.
Start your sentences with “I think such and such…” or “In my opinion,…” or “I don’t know about you but…”
People love to find that you’re not pretentious; that you know that your opinion,… is just your opinion.
2. What Do You Mean?… Oh-Ok, Now I Get It
Don’t be quick to say I gotcha, every time somebody says something. When it’s not completely clear, say things like “What do you mean?…” or “How does that work?…”
Give them the opportunity to explain themselves. People love when others are interested in really understanding them. That’s a very charming way to talk to someone.
And when they answer, nod, smile, or say “Oh-ok, now I get it.”
Remember to ask “Why X, not Z?…” As in, “Why do like Chinese food, but not Korean?” It can sound like a mundane question, but you never know what the answer will be. Ask things like that in a not-so-serious way, and see what happens. Sometimes, it makes people reveal who they are on a personal level. And sometimes, it’s just hilarious.
3. What Do You Think?
Yes! It’s worth remembering! Ask people what they think!
People love it.
They’ll love you for it.
They’ll remember that, with you, conversation is pleasant. That you’re one of those people who they can meet at any point, to have a good time.
You’re one of those, with whom they can just sit down and shoot the breeze. Those with whom they can just take a trip, travel, hit the road.
Those who don’t listen (or just fake listening) – who are never interested in their opinions, are a drag, and never give their personality a chance to shine.
If you do, you get a huge advantage.
4. Pause… Now Speak
When someone finishes talking, pause for a second. Then talk.
That pause proves that you at least took the time to process what they just said. They didn’t speak for nothing. You’re not just faking the listening part.
Most people are so eager to talk, that they’ll never miss a fraction of a second to clobber you with their two cents. Don’ t do that, pause a little and prove to others that you’re considering what they just said, before you speak.
5. I’m Not A 100% Sure But…
This is like technique number one, but it’s very important when you’re not sure about what you’re saying. Many people talk as if they have all the facts about what they’re saying.
If you want to cultivate trust, make sure to specify when you’re not sure of what you’re saying.
Even better, when you don’t know something, say “I don’t know.”
When you don’t know something – say so. It makes you more credible and gives more value to your words.
This is a great way to make people trust what you’re saying. When you’re sure of yourself – your word will have much more credibility, because people unconsciously think that if you weren’t sure, you’d say so – because you only speak like that, when you know what you’re talking about.
That makes you more credible and trustworthy, and that’s crucial for developing quality friendships!
6. Put Down That Phone!
I don’t know wanna be the party-pooper, here. And I know it’s now somewhat accepted to check your phone from time to time as you speak to people.
But, if you want to have an advantage over the regular folks, then put that phone in your bag or pocket, or at least keep it away (or flipped) on the table.
If you have to check it, then tell the person why: “Sorry, I gotta respond to this e-mail…” or “Sorry, I gotta answer my mom, or else sh’ell freak out.” or “Sorry, I have to read this e-mail from Paul Sanders.” You get the picture.
These conversation techniques will get you going, and help you have an advantage over the regular people. They’ll make you a better company to potential friends – especially the quality people.
If you want to have the whole picture, and get all the other social skills you need, I recommend that you invest in my eBook. In it, I share my best principles and techniques to make sure you’re equipped and ready for a great social life. You’ll learn how to unlock the social limitation that cripple people’s friendship life, you’ll learn the necessary social techniques, and you’ll learn how to turn strangers into friends, on a consistent basis. You can check it out, right here.
– Paul Sanders
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